Consequences S
Words Have
ome words don’t help anxious kids, says University of Minnesota
psychology professor Abigail Gewirtz, author of When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids. “Tese kinds of statements dismiss, minimize or even punish children for their anxiety, and they teach children that anxiety isn’t important, or worse, is damaging and should be ignored or stuffed away,” she says. Amanda Walker, a Los Angeles
clinical psychologist, advises, “It is important to try and respond to the anxiety with loving kindness, with compassion and openness. Asking ‘What happened?’ instead of ‘What’s wrong?’ changes the way that a chal- lenge is viewed. Other approaches are, ‘I can see why you might feel that way’, or, ‘It’s okay to be scared; lots of kids feel that way.’” To reinforce a child’s confidence,
“Te key is reminding a child of past things they were afraid of that never came to pass or bringing to the at- tention of a child the ways that the child was able to face their fear and overcome it,” says Bruce L. Tiessen, a San Diego clinical psychologist. “Past reminders can increase self-efficacy and build self-confidence, which are powerful anxiety buffers. “Children find it all the more difficult to cope with anxiety if they feel that they are alone in their struggle,” he adds. “It is important to reassure them by saying something like, ‘We are in this together. I am here for you.’ It may be important to add, ‘No matter what happens, you and I are going to find a way to be okay.’” Statements to avoid: “You don’t
need to worry. You have nothing to worry about. I’m the adult, let me do the worrying. When I was your age, I had much bigger things to worry about.”
July 2020 27
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