something that speaks to you. Humans are so- cial creatures. We need company. We also need to feel like we have a reason to get out of bed, to face the day and that our lives matter. Isolation and loneliness are proven to shorten people’s lives and put them at risk for more ill- ness and disease. We’ve all heard about the person who retires and a week later they’re gone, just when they were supposed to be en- joying their time. Some people get lost and don’t know what to do with themselves. Some people don’t feel that they require intimate connections and social interactions. Some people categorize themselves as extreme intro- verts, shy or socially awkward. Often a person will withdraw from connections if they have been abused, neglected or just don’t have a history of successful interpersonal relation- ships.
My dad was one of those people. He was
a sensitive person who could not tolerate the bullshit in life. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. But he severely limited his interac- tions and who he bonded with. I was very grateful that some of his friends held on all those years and came to visit and help when he was dying of cancer at age 48. They loved him despite his hard exterior. They saw some- thing in him worth tolerating his harshness. I am grateful there are people like that
in my world as well. I am a fan of the philoso- phy that it doesn’t matter if you have a lot of friends, but it is important if the few you have are real. I think there is someone out there for almost all of us. And if we find that we can’t form bonds, can’t face the idea of doing so or that they don’t last, maybe we consider coun- seling. It never hurts to get to know ourselves and tweak the parts that aren’t working. It’s up to us to decide what we want our life to be like and who we want in it. But it’s also up to us to do the work to get there. Do you have rewarding social and inti-
mate connections in your life? Do you have feelings of relevance, motivation and satisfac- tion? If not, are you trying to? Do you know how? Do you know yourself and what you
need? I am in a new place. I cannot control
others. I cannot get back the time with my son. I can’t change all the things I wish I could. I can’t go back and focus on him instead of the multitude of things that stole my energy and focus.
Word to those going through that phase
now, pay attention to your kids! Time flies by, even though it may seem excruciatingly slow at times. I can’t recreate that mother/son rela- tionship we had before. But I can assess where we are now. We have a really good foundation, so that helps a lot. I can communicate my de- sires for the future and work to form a new fla- vor of our relationship that is fulfilling for both of us. He misses me, too, and is clearly adjusting to his new reality, so I know he will be open to figuring it out with me. And of course, I’ll have to adjust along the way. I’ll dry my tears and do it again when more tears come. For now, Mommy’s Free Laundromat is a big attraction. For those out there who can relate and
are struggling or have struggled with the empty nest in their own way, I send you my sympathy, understanding and best wishes for happier days ahead. I wish that for myself. And now I have a radio station and music fes- tival to escape into.
• -Electra
Electra (The Rock-n-Roll Health Chick) is an Integrative Health Journalist, Consultant and Coach, specializing in the health of musicians. She is the CEO of ElectraLand Radio and Di- rector and Host of “Rockin’ Your Health,” which is heard on FM radio, is streaming on
www.ElectraLandRadio.net and is archived at
www.RockinYourHealth.net. You can also find her on Face book and Instagram.
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