It’s important that a highly sensitive child doesn’t feel like there is something ‘wrong’ with them because of their levels of sensitivity.
3) DO offer solution-focussed perspectives for dealing with aspects of the trait. DON’T blame the trait itself. For example, highly sensitive children are sensitive to temperatures. They may complain it’s too hot one minute and too cold the next, especially on car journeys. Instead of saying ‘the temperature is fine, it’s just because you’re sensitive’, it would be better to say, ‘how about I bring an extra blanket and a little fan with us, so that you’re more comfortable when we are in the car?’
4) DO use gentle discipline. DON’T use loud or angry tones or tough love. Highly sensitive children feel and think more deeply, and process their emotions for longer. They startle easily, hate loud angry voices and are deeply upset by criticism. They are often perfectionists and can be deeply affected if they think they have done something wrong. Gentle discipline is the key to addressing actions or behaviours and in setting boundaries with them.
5) DO recognise that they are often older or wiser than their years, but DON’T discuss personal or family troubles in front of or with them. Highly sensitive children are highly empathetic; they pick up on other people’s moods and they tend to absorb the emotions of those around them. Even from a young age, they can be good listeners and little helpers, so it’s important that parents don’t share too many of their own troubles or problems around them, as this can cause them worry and anxiety.
6) DO recognise that highly sensitive children are very intuitive and that their awareness of subtleties may make them more open to spiritual experiences. DON’T dismiss or say their ‘imaginary’ friends aren’t real. Again, just acknowledge what they experience and make them aware that this is one of the gifts of sensitivity. Also explain their differences in a positive way. For example, you could say, ‘You know how some children are good at sport and some aren’t? Well, some children will see or feel things like you do and some won’t’.
7) DO teach them visualisation methods to help protect their energy and DON’T forget to make it a daily practice. By using an analogy like how an umbrella keeps a person dry when it’s raining, explain that imagining a bubble of coloured light around themselves will form a shield of energy protection. It will help them feel better.
8) DO create a space for calmness and quiet time for your HSC and DON’T forget to do the same for yourself! Everybody needs some ‘me’ time, but this is particularly important for highly sensitive children. Let them choose their favourite colours for their bedroom décor and make reading, drawing, painting or crafts part of their downtime. Being out in nature is a great way to achieve this too.
9) DO let them know that there are other children who are also highly sensitive and DON’T let them think that they are alone. Highly sensitive children often feel different to others, so try to encourage them to mix with other children – particularly other children who may be equally highly sensitive.
10) And, finally, DO learn as much as you can about the high sensitivity trait, but DON’T be too hard on yourself if you make mistakes along the way. Parenting isn’t easy, it can be extremely rewarding and challenging at the same time. The most important things you can give to any child are love, acceptance, security, attention and quality time. Highly sensitive children thrive on these.
Mel Collins is a qualified Psychotherapeutic Counsellor, specialising in clients with high sensitivity. Before becoming a counsellor, Mel worked in Her Majesty’s Prison Service including eight years as a Prison Governor. Being innately sensitive in a challenging prison setting gave her an incredible learning experience and teaching base and, in March this year, she appeared on the Jeremy Vine Show on BBC Radio 2 in March 2018 discussing her expertise on HSPs.
Highly
sensitive children feel and
think more deeply, and process their
emotions for longer
Modernmum 27
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