MM Comment
As French authorities ban parents from calling their baby son ‘Amber’, MM’s editor looks at why some parents choose to lumber their children with weird names…
What’s in a name? By Debbie Orme
French authorities have refused to let a couple name their newborn baby boy Amber, fearing that the child might suffer from ‘unclear sexual identity’. You have to hand it to the French courts. It’s not the first time that they’ve stepped in to prevent parents from calling their children names that they consider unsuitable and potentially damaging. Had the authorities not stepped in, there would now be a Nutella, a Strawberry and a Manhattan knocking about the streets of Paris! (In 2015, French officials ruled that a
couple could not name their daughter Nutella as it might ‘lead to mockery and unpleasant remarks’. Gee, you think…??) Why is it that parents try to make a
‘statement’ by giving their child a weird and potentially very embarrassing name? It used to be just celebrity parents, who
opted for the weird and wonderful. When David Bowie named his son Zowie in the Seventies, everyone thought it bizarre, but it added to Bowie’s slightly off-the-wall image. Today Zowie wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow! Today we have Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow
and Chris Martin), Harper Seven (Beckhams) and Heavenly Hirani Tigerlily (Paula Yates/Michael Hutchence). But it’s not just celebrities, who are
64 Modernmum
opting for the slightly quirky/totally off- the-wall names… In New Zealand, for example, a judge
made a young girl a ward of court so that she could change her name – Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii – which she, big surprise, hated. The country also forbids names that start with a number, so 4Real was disallowed. Having said that, while they were quick to turn down Yeah Detroit and twins Fish and Chips, Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence are living happily outside Wellington! The States aren’t far behind in the
wacky name stakes. One man named Thomas Boyd Ritchie III tried to change his name to III, but was told by a court that it would be ‘inherently confusing’, and so it was rejected. Nevertheless, rules were relaxed
considerably to allow Female, Enamel, Lettuce, Mustard M Mustard, Vagina, Mutton and Post office to slip through the net! There have also been (to date) 20 people named Noun, 458 named Comma, 18 Periods and one Semicolon. In 2006, Malaysia published a list of
undesirable names and, as a result, Woti (Sexual Intercourse), Khiow Khoo (Hunchback) and Sor Chai (Insane) all disappeared thankfully! Sweden permitted Metallica, but even this liberal country said no’ to
A heck of a lot apparently…
Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlb b 11116. (I’m not sure if I’ve spelt that correctly, so please feel free to let me know…). The boy’s parents tried to give their son this name (pronounced Albin????) as a protest against Sweden’s strict naming laws and, in doing so, added another one to the banned list. When it comes to baby names, the
Danes may perhaps be the most restrictive. When a child is born in Denmark, the parents are provided by the government with a list of 7000+ names to choose from, and special permission is required for a name that’s not on the list. Thankfully, Anus is one of the names that’s regularly rejected, although Pluto and Monkey have also had lucky escapes! In the UK and Ireland, there are no
restriction on parents unless a name is deemed ‘offensive’. Of course, people are entitled to name their children as they see fit, but it might be an idea to test out how you’d feel going to call your child in for tea. Swimmer Michael Phelps, for example
recently named his newborn son Boomer. Can you picture tea-time in their house? ‘Here Boomer! Good boy!’ Or worse…. ‘Hi, this is my dad Boomer.’ Weird. Full stop. (That’s not a name, by the way!)
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