baby? Probably not. If they had been they would have called 9-1-1 or cried out for help. Isn’t it more likely that they were afraid of appearing unable to handle the situation? That is, the majority of the stress the couple felt was fear of what others in the restau- rant—total strangers—might think about them. Now ask, when it comes to the most pressing source of stress


in your own life right now, what are you afraid of? To understand our stress it’s essential to grasp our own emotional state and the source of it. Often we must “climb down a ladder” of assumptions and fears to discover the underlying root of our stress. We ask ourselves, “Okay, if this bad possibility does occur, then what? And if that does occur, then what; and then what?” Returning again to the young parents in the restaurant, why were they con- cerned about appearing to be unable to control the situation? Is it possibly because, as first-time parents, they harbored a lot of underlying fearfulness of not be up to the task? Thus the uncon- trolled wailing of their infant stoked their unspoken fear of being inadequate. The second step in dissolving stress is grasping the underlying emotion states of those who might be contributing to the anxiety we are feeling. Rarely is it the case that our own emotions emerge from a vacuum. Our uncomfortable stress is in part a response to previous interactions and observations. A classic example of this comes from the 1957 movie, Fear Strikes Out. It depicts the true story of baseball player Jimmy Piersall, who was institutionalized after suffering a mental breakdown following his first major league at bat: an inside-the-park homerun. Struggling to deal with im- mense pressure to be a perfect ball player, Piersall remarks to his therapist, “My dad made me what I am today.” It was a blinding, painful instant of self-awareness—and perhaps similar to the recognitions that await us as we reflect on the other characters who have played some part in building the framework of the stress we feel.


Some people we know or have known, like Piersall’s father,


may have intentionally pushed us emotionally for their own pur- poses. Often those around us have heightened our stress without intending to or recognizing it. Asking ourselves who might have increased our anxiety does not turn those folks into villains; it only increases our awareness of the sources of our stress. A third step in dissolving our stress, having recognized its


sources, is to act toward the fear that underlies our stress rather than the stress itself. Stress is really just a symptom, an expression of our fear. Recognition of the sources of our anxiety has a way of making our stress “transparent.” Thus, asking ourselves when we begin to feel stressed out, “What is my basic, underlying fear right now,” is the single greatest act against our underlying anxi- ety we can take. Sometimes we have to be experiencing stress in the moment before we can clearly understand the fear that un- derlies it. Going back to the example of the young couple in the res-


taurant, when the baby started shrieking, what would have hap- pened if the mom or dad had looked at each other, smiled and said, “We’re such awful parents. Social services will be here any minute to take our kid”; or if dad had said to mom, “Why don’t you order for us while I take the baby outside until he becomes human again”? By the way, considering that emotions are conta- gious, just as the parents’ heightened anxiety caused the baby to cry all the harder, the lack of anxiety would tend to diminish the stress, and thus the baby’s desire to squall. Fourth, the final step in dissolving our stress is in recognizing


and celebrating the difference in ourselves when circumstances and events we used to find stressful no longer cause us anxiety. Such recognition not only fills us with joy but also makes us aware we have begun to dissolve the stress that has been impeding the joy and possibilities of the remarkable, unique journey our lives can be. Less than a month after Judith left her high-profile marketing job for a similar position with a much smaller local company, the happy smile and optimistic spirit for which she had long been known returned. When asked why she had made the drastic busi- ness change, she shrugged and said, “I guess the awakening moment for me was when I realized that the big outfit was provid- ing me with prestige and lots of money not for my well-being, but so I could fulfill the goals of guys higher up the pyramid who weren’t any happier than I was. I do miss a six-figure income, but even without that I actually feel more important now than I did. And I sure don’t miss the stress.”


The author of this article, Dr. Mike Simpson will offer a three- hour seminar entitled “Dissolving Stress & Anxiety” at the Shepherd’s Center in Winston-Salem on Thursday, May 31, from 6 to 9 p.m. The cost is $25 and reservations can be made by contacting him (336 257-9276) or the Shepherd’s Center (336 748-0217).


A “third generation” Family Systems practitioner, Simpson is the founder of Fix Your Family and a Family Wellness Coach who has used Family Systems to work with individuals and groups for the past 25 years. The author of the book Fix Your Family, he can be contacted through his website (fixyourfamily.org), email (1fixy- ourfamily@gmail.com) or phone (336 257-9276). See ad on page 38.


Transpersonal Hypnosis for Mind, Body, Spirit


Smoking Cessation, Weight Management,


Sleep Improvement, Sports Improvement, Situational Stress, Gain Self-Control, Memory Enhancement, Fears, Apprehensions, Past Life Regression, Spiritual Awareness, Set Goals


Robert M. Merlin, BA, BCH,CI, LBLT, PLRT, MHT


• Consulting Hypnotist • Board Certified Master Hypnotist


• Board Certified NGH Instructor • Board Certified in Past Life Regression


Merlin Centre for Hypnosis & Enlightenment Inc. 1403 Sunset Dr., Suite B • Greensboro


336-275-0702 www.merlincentre.com


rmmerlin@merlincentre.com MAY 2018


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