LIVING WELL
Can This Family
Relationship Be Saved?
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.” ~ Richard Bach
“My family is my strength and my weakness.” ~ Aishwarya Rai Bachchan
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” ~ George Carlin
you do if a family member is so toxic they need to be cut out of your life? There are three phases you must go through to make this as successful as pos- sible. First, make sure. Second, make the
A
ll relationships are complicated. But boy, family members are so entangled! What in the world can
cut. Lastly, manage all your other family relationships to address the shift in dynam- ics your actions caused.
Phase 1: Make Sure This is a really big decision, so make
sure you evaluate your relationship close- ly. Usually when my clients say they want
to cut someone out of their life it’s on the heels of a big blowup. That’s not the time to make this decision. If you’ve just had one more fight with
your sibling or parent, take a deep breath. Give yourself some space to calm down so you can evaluate your options from a clear space. From this clear space take an assess-
Bose Ravenel, MD Dr. Bose Ravenel is a pediatrician
with a total of 31 years’ experience in private pediatric practice and 11 years in academic pediatrics. He of- fers an integrative and functional medicine approach to ADD/ADHD and other chronic health problems. Well known and highly respected
www.RobinhoodIntegrativeHealth.com Bose Ravenel, MD
in clinical and academic circles, we are honored to have him join our practice.
336.768.3335 14
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ment of your role in the relationship. It always takes two to tango, so be honest with yourself about what you are doing to contribute to these events. Are you always already defensive when you speak to your sister so you come into the conversation aggressively? Then, of course, she responds with defensiveness to everything you say and you two are both off to the races again. Are there things you can do to shift
your role in the dance? Perhaps not bring- ing the last 15 years of resentments and anger into every conversation might pro- duce a different outcome. Is this maddening behavior a new oc- currence or one that’s been going on for years? Is this all there is to your relationship or are there some good things also? Can you focus on those because this relation- ship is important enough to be salvaged? Sometimes the answer is yes and
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