sometimes it is no. Here are some criteria to evaluate if you should stay or go:
• There is abuse. If there is emotional, physical, or verbal abuse then it’s time to go. You should always put your well- being and safety first.
• Your interactions are mostly negative. Every relationship has its ups and downs but if this relationship has essentially no upside then it is time to move on; or at least take a break.
• It’s affecting all aspects of your life. If the stress and anger generated from this relationship is affecting your sleep, your work, and your family life then the cost is too high to continue. If a 15-minute call with your mom causes you to snipe at your kids for the rest of the day, is that call worth it to you?
• This relationship is negatively affecting your health. If your jaw clenches when you see your brother’s face on your phone when he calls or if you have a two-day migraine after visiting your mom then some serious changes need to take place.
• The relationship is one sided. If you only hear from your nephew when he needs money or a ride but he can’t seem to remember your kids’ birthdays or even bother to ask how you are, then it’s a one-sided relationship.
Phase 2: Make the Cut If you have decided this relationship is not able to be worked on, then you must decide how deeply you want to detach. Can you make this an occasional interac- tion, maybe only seeing them at holidays? Or perhaps you can agree to not discuss hot button topics so that you can see each other without it going sideways. This way you can pull away to take care of yourself without having to completely severing ties. If this relationship needs to be com- pletely cut off at this point, then do that. Don’t let things just dwindle or avoid phone calls. Have a short, concise conver- sation about how you need to not con- tinue the relationship.
Phase 3: Address the New Dynamic with Your Family
One of the reasons these relationships
are so difficult is because they involve so many other people. There might be blow back from other family members who think you’re making trouble. Or your parents might be upset about the disruption within the family and pressure you to just get along. Your role is to set new boundaries. Let
everyone know that they do not have to pick sides. Both of you can be invited to family events. You can either attend and be socially polite with this person or you can decide not to attend. The important thing is to stay in integ-
rity. Do not gossip about all the things this person did in order to “explain” your deci- sion. Don’t try to make others agree or take
Donna Burick, BCC
your side. The more grown up you can be, the quicker your fam- ily will adjust to this new normal. Families are complicated and hard to
get away from. That sword cuts both ways; on the one hand, they give us great skills for navigating the world, yet on the other they are hard to set boundaries with and even extract from if that’s what is war- ranted.
My hope is if you have one of these toxic family relationships that you take the time and energy to evaluate it, take respon- sibility for your part, and if needed, make the decision to put your health and wellbe- ing first. Even if that means losing someone who has been a big part of your life. It won’t be easy, but you are worth it.
Desire a results-oriented holistic solution? Do you yearn to: Create more balance in your life; Stop feeling so exhausted; Un- cover your life’s passion; Attain clarity about what’s next for you; Revive your relationships; Craft a deeper spiritual con- nection; Access a place of health & happi- ness? Donna can guide you from here to there, call for your free 15-minute consulta- tion and discover a different approach. 336-540-0088. Offices in Greensboro & Winston-Salem. Visit
www.donnaburick. com. See ad on pages 11, 13.
AHAM Meditation Retreat & Training Center Invites You to
Interlude with AHAM Begin Your Week Feeling Uplifted, Inspired & Happy!
Sunday Mornings – 10:00am to 11:15am. (Arriving 15 minutes early for pre-Interlude Meditation recommended.) Followed by time for fellowship, relaxing, trail walking & a delicious lunch. Interlude may also be experienced via Teleconference. Call 267.507.0420, access code 482-3766#.
Also, enjoy a guided-meditation, answers to your questions via teleconference on Sundays at 7:30pm. Use same phone # and access code.
4368 Hwy. 134 • Asheboro, NC 27205
Info or Interlude reservations: 336-381-3988 •
generalmail@aham.com •
www.aham.com MAY 2018
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