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by cutter slagle New Year, New Rules
Do you hear what I hear? Well, put your ear to the ground, your ass to the air and listen closely...
Okay, that last part may be unnecessary, though I’m sure most of you may already be in that position. It’s that time of year again, when your friends (and foes) start spewing that “New Year, New Me”
bullshit...so why exactly, do I think this stale tradition is bullshit?
Let me count the ways . . . First, if you want to truly better yourself, why do you need to wait for a
new year to start the process? If you’re an awful person, like, pairs-black- with-brown or wears-white-after-Labor-Day kind of awful, then you don’t have time to spare…start bettering yourself right now! It’s the same concept of, “Oh, I’ll wait till Monday to begin my diet.” Why spend the next three days gaining more weight, that let’s be honest, you’ll never take off? Second, have you ever considered the idea that you don’t need to change? Perhaps there is no reason for a “New You,” because the old you—the current you—is fan-fucking-tastic! Just because some aspect of life (i.e. a job, a partner, a mistake) got in the way of your 2017, causing 365 days of misery that blew worse on a Breathalyzer than Lindsay Lohan, doesn’t mean you need to change…Instead, just change the rules.
Allow me to introduce a new, fresh tradition for all girls, boys, girly-boys and boyish-girls reading this: New Year, New Rules. I’m not saying I’m perfect (though, I’m pretty darn close), or that everyone doesn’t have room for some sort of improvement. Further, there are times when change is not only good, but needed. Yet, there are also times when it is appropriate to throw the rule book out the window, recognize who
you are, embrace it and rock it out with your cock out! Well, so to speak... perhaps just not you, Kevin Spacey or Matt Lauer. Think about it, though: How much will you change or improve or supposedly “better” about yourself, before you are no longer you? Listen, if you drink a 30-pack of Coors Light every single night—invite me over—I mean, you need to change your ways. If you’re a heroin addict, cheating on your boyfriend (in any way, shape or form) or you know, killing people, then it’s time to make an improvement to better yourself. There are plenty of other examples of bad behavior to list. But bottom line, if your behavior isn’t hurting you or someone else, then maybe it’s not you that needs to change.
Now, for the ultimate question: If you’re not going to change yourself, then how do you change the rules? Fuck if I know. Who do I look like? Miss Cleo? Now if you answered Zac
Efron, you’re right on the money! Here’s the thing, because everyone’s situation is different, everyone’s rules will be different. We all have the ability to make our own guidelines, but only you can know what is best for you and your needs. No one else can do that, not me or even Miss Cleo. Here is what I do know, and you should take it with a grain of salt, lime
and shot of tequila; life can be hard, full of pain and disappointment and sadly enough, it is often those closest to us who cause this pain and disappointment. However, as you enter tomorrow, next week, even the new year, don’t let that stop you from being a decent person. Remember, it is not that difficult to be a good person, or to do the right thing. It takes much more energy to lie, cheat and/or steal. Therefore, whatever your new, personal 2018 rules may be, make sure
they benefit you, that they don’t harm others and allow you to keep being the best and healthiest version of yourself.
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RAGE monthly | JANUARY 2018
RAGE monthly | JANUARY 2018
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