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2. Overcome fear of speaking to groups


Some people get freaked out at the thought of speaking at a conference or large meeting. For others, speaking to a small group of five or six can be just as scary. Basic public speaking confidence can work wonders during these situations. At the root of most people’s fear of public speaking is the prospect of disapproval. What if my words dry up? What if people don’t like what I say? What if they don’t like my appearance? They’ll reject me, or look down on me! This is where solid confidence and a sense of self can come to the rescue. Before the event, give yourself a moment. Be compassionate and positive with yourself. Patiently acknowledge all of your fears and doubts, rather than brushing them under the carpet. This is known as self- soothing and helps decrease anxiety. Also, make sure you know your value. Be aware of your own strengths and let go of your need to be perfect. These actions will help you navigate any social anxiety and tricky group situations at each and every party you attend.


3. Go with the flow of the conversation


Some of the most engaging conversationalists are those who stay in the moment. They are great listeners and are happy to speak spontaneously without a pre-set agenda. The opposite of these are the autobiographical speakers: the ones that hijack every conversation and use it as an opportunity to speak about themselves in a lengthy monologue. When I work with clients to help them get better at thinking on their feet, one of the games we play is the ‘Yes and…’ game. This is a favourite from the world of improv comedy. The rule is that you say ‘yes’ to whatever your partner says and then add to it. This keeps the conversation flowing like a pleasant tennis rally. You don’t have to agree to everything everyone else says, but take their comment and work with it. Add your own spin or ask them to expand on their statement. You won’t have to work too hard, and you’ll be seen as an engaging, generous conversationalist.


4. Tell stories


There will doubtless be times when it’s useful to share a story. If you’re not the storytelling type, then why not create a story file? Take some time to think of five or ten stories that are entertaining or have a useful message for your listeners. Use the CAR framework to help you break the story into components:


First, briefly share the Context – the who, why, when and where that will help you set the scene. Include any obstacles or what was at stake.


Then comes the Action. What happened?


Finally comes the Result. What did you learn or conclude from the episode? Make sure that whatever you share is of interest to your listeners. Keep it short. Add value by making people laugh or including something fascinating or relevant.


5. Be a dynamic communicator


You might not need this tip. The alcohol may well be flowing in which case you’ll probably be more dynamic than usual, but I like to remind clients that it’s important to be energetic when speaking to groups. No one enjoys a damp squib - especially at a party. So make sure you bring the energy and contribute to a convivial atmosphere. Some of the ways to do this are as simple as making stronger eye contact while you’re speaking. You can also vary your pitch and volume more than usual. The latter will be needed because you’ll probably be in a noisy place, and by playing with your pitch you will automatically sound more interesting. Being a Dynamic communicator is one of the pillars of the D.I.V.A speaking system, which says that a well-rounded speaker is Dynamic, Inspiring, Valuable and Authentic.


If you’re looking for a chance to improve your public speaking and communication skills, the next Christmas party is a great place to get started. If you’re not the party type and usually dread social get-togethers, then see it as an opportunity to get into shape for an upcoming meeting, interview or conference. Enjoy the party!


Shola Kaye is an award-wining speaker, founder of Speak Up Like A D.I.V.A. and author of the Amazon.com bestseller, How to be a DIVA at Public Speaking. Her work has featured in publications including Marie Claire and The Metro. Shola works with corporates and individuals and runs speaker training events in Central London. For free email training on Impromptu Speaking techniques, a speaker for your company event or a trainer to help you communicate with confidence please contact Shola at sholakaye.com/contact


26 FOCUS The Magazine November/December 2017 www.focus-info.org


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