12 San Diego Reader December 15, 2016
Walter
Mencken’s
SD ON THE QT McElroy’s Mission
Local bishop seeks to raise environ- mental awareness among the faithful
San Diego’s Roman Catho- lic bishop Robert McElroy has said that he regards abortion and global warm- ing as the two most crucial issues facing his bishopric. But while a large number of Catholics share his opin- ion with regard to abortion, fewer are onboard with the claim about global warm- ing, even in the wake of
Pope Francis’s encyclical on stewardship and creation Laudatio Si. In the words of Our Lady of Comfort parishioner Brad Halberd, “Our true home is heaven, not this shithole. There’s a reason Jesus called Satan ‘The Prince of This World.’ It’s all I can do to care about people. This ball of godforsaken rock can go straight to hell.” To combat this attitude, and to reinforce
the notion that all creation is a gift of the Cre- ator and must be respected as such, McElroy has joined forces with the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops in developing “Hell is Hot, Heaven is Not,” an educa- tional program that will be imple- mented through- out the diocese of San Diego dur- ing the coming year, and eventu- ally, in diocese all across America. “Man is not
a spirit, a ghost in the machine,” explains McElroy. “He is an embod- ied soul, and his life is perfected in the glorified body promised in the Resurrection. But even a glori- fied body must exist in a place — a world. The world is therefore intimately bound
up with man’s redemption, and must be redeemed along with him. To say nothing of the damage that crass con- sumerism and selfish indul- gence do to a man’s soul. Also, McMansions are tacky, and it’s just dumb to plant grass in the desert. ‘Hell is Hot’ will serve as a testament to San Diego’s Catholics that Christ will demand a
moral reckoning at the judgment, and how we treated those least ones living in regions devastated by climate change is going to be a very big deal. That’s why we’re installing solar panels on all our churches and switch- ing to LED lights in all our sanctuary lamps and electronic votive candles.”
The poem “So Long, Singapore” from the “Hell is Hot” curriculum: “When the oceans rise, it’s time for goodbyes. Is this good in God’s eyes? Stop polluting the skies!”
Almost factual news
Picture Story Ross Douthat Penitent Before Bishop McElroy
Prelate affirms connection to traditional Catholicism by placing scribe under Interdict
A jovial McElroy guffaws during Douthat’s penance, wherein he was forced to read his offensive blog post aloud, replacing personal pro- nouns with “Boss Douche-Hat” throughout and making fart sounds at the end of every paragraph.
The Hell is Hot pamphlet, which will be distrib- uted throughout San Diego’s Catholic Churches, and which will serve as an introduction to the Hell is Hot parish action program.
“The Church has always recognized the importance of visual art as a teaching tool,” explains McElroy. “In illiterate ages, such as the 11th Century or the one we live in now, images can convey the Faith as well or better than text or preaching. Happily, the Catholic Church has a wealth of wonderful art from which to draw. It’s a kind of visual recycling, which fits in well with our theme of carefully managed resources.” Above, a few examples from the “Hell is Hot” curriculum. Clockwise from upper left: Christ Restoring the Ozone (stained glass, formerly Christ Ascending to Heaven, now “symbolizing both the promise of a new heavens and a new earth at the Second Coming, and also the way that we, as the mystical Body of Christ, must work to ‘renew the face of the earth.’”) Christ the Sun (mosaic, formerly Christ in Majesty, now “a stirring reminder of the promise and power of solar energy. Christ was often identified with Apollo in early Christian art, and with good reason: the sun is a source of inexhaustible energy, it is life-giving, its light reveals the world to us. And now, it can help free us of our dependence on coal, which is made from dead things.”) Christ Harnessing the Wind (stained glass, formerly Christ Calming the Storm, now “an illustration of how power can come even from what is unseen. Jesus compared the Holy Spirit to the wind; just as we must give the same glory to the Spirit that we give to the Father and the Son, we would be fools to neglect the ‘Third Person’ of the green energy trinity.”) Monkey Jesus (fresco, formerly Ecce Homo, now “a botched restoration attempt that has become famous and important in its own right as an affirmation of humanity’s close connection to the natural world and all its animal species.”) Christ Purifying the Wastewater (oil, formerly The Miracle at Cana, now “a crucial reminder that water is more important than wine to a thirsty world. Also, just as the Christ’s miraculous wine tasted better than regular wine, so also does treated wastewater actually taste better than other water.”) Christ Rejoicing Over Just One Sheep (fresco, formerly Christ the Good Shepherd, now “an earnest warning against overpopulation. Christ says that there is more rejoicing in heaven over one lost sheep being found than over ninety-nine who never get lost. If families could bring just one child fully into the life of the Church, wouldn’t that be a similar cause for rejoicing?”)
“It would have been one thing if this clown had gone after me in some dinky Catholic publica- tion,” explains San Diego bishop Robert McElroy, who recently placed New York Times Op-Ed writer Ross Douhat under an interdict that prevented the traditionally minded Catho- lic scribbler from entering a Catholic Church or receiving the sacraments anywhere in the continental United States. “But he attacked me on the New York Times’ website — the paper of record, read all over the coun- try, and indeed, the world. Those were my people he was bad-mouthing me in front of — and not just me, but the Pope who made me a bishop! Just lis- ten to this closing line from his December 1 blog entry, ‘The End of Catholic Marriage’: ‘In the dio- cese of San Diego, there may be something called the sacrament of matrimony, but the church
itself plainly does not believe in Catholic marriage anymore.’ Them’s fighting words where I come from, and it just so hap- pens I have a pretty big stick. It’s called a crozier.”
Douthat, whose objection to McElroy’s interpretation of certain passages in Pope Francis’ apostolic exhortation on the family Amoris Laetitia hinged precisely on his interest in the Church’s adherence to traditional Catholic teaching, was forced to accept McElroy’s punitive measure. “Otherwise, the poor devil would have been exposed as a rank hypocrite. He may think I’m a bad bishop, but even a bad bishop is a bishop — a sharer in the apostolic succession that traces its authority back to Christ Himself. Hee hee!” He was also forced to accept McEl- roy’s conditions for lifting the interdict, which is how the above scene came about.
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