focused on preparing Jennifer for a mid-life career transition. Using William Bridges’ three phases model of transition, the process included:
(Phase 1) creating a safe place to have a clear and honorable ending to what the client was needing to let go of, and; (Phase 2) provide compassionate support and honest perspective as she navigated the chaos or neutral zone, and; (Phase 3) help her launch a new beginning.
The actual client request sounded some-
thing like this: Help me fi gure out who I am and how others perceive me in ways that have either held me back or will serve me in the next part of my life?
Ironically, in the written pre-work and the interview, she protested the idea of showing up somewhere where she was not entirely welcomed. This had been a theme throughout her career where she had become persona non grata more than once. Coach Beatrice would soon elucidate this and gave her an expanded view of how she actually created herself as unwelcome, even before she entered a situation. Jennifer worked hard to appear to be a decisive per- son which is helpful in leadership positions. Yet it became obvious that the reason for her decisiveness was not her personal clarity but that ambiguity itself created immediate anxi- ety in her. This often forced her to make decisions prematurely, thereby alienating others and closing down her other options.
By 2 pm on day one, she looked at me and exclaimed “I got it. I am done!” and she began creating her action plan and consid- ered packing up.
In her usual charming way, she said that
she had already gotten her money’s worth and would it be ok to go out now for mar- tinis! As her coach, I literally had to use an old adage, “Hold your horses!” I invited her to remain open to new options and insights. Perhaps the easiest, most gracious client I have ever worked with, Jennifer appeared to be hiding behind her quick wit, social adept- ness and ability to befriend her coach, which was a perfect trap for me. As soon as Coach Beatrice took over in the ring, however, there would be little room for anything short of Jennifer’s total clarity, purpose-driven action, and inner authority. The horse itself seemed to struggle with intense disinterest, at times chomping at the gate and sniff- ing the corners of the barn. When Jennifer failed to feel the welcome or the connection she so required in all her other affairs, she
completely lost her ability to extend herself, express her leadership or offer a clear direc- tion and became almost visibly angry. The dilemma of having been downsized many months before and losing her sense of direc- tion and purpose was immediately present… it was excruciating for her and in a fl ash, almost more than she could bear.
Horses respond to proximity, pressure and permission, just like us.
The evidence was in! If it is true that all things are accomplished through relation- ship, then it was going to be important for Jennifer to fi nd a new relationship to this situation in her life, currently showing up as Coach Beatrice’s disinterest. In Neuro-
linguistic Programming, there is a concept that refers to the importance of ‘pace, pace, pace, lead, pace, pace, lead’. This is akin to David Rock’s neuro-leadership work in which he refers to the approach-avoid phenomenon. At any given moment, we are all sensing a genuinely welcoming atmo- sphere or an anxiety producing one which indicates whether or not we should move toward something or move away from it. In order to create a sustainable relationship and earn the privilege of leading another over time, be it animal or human, we must engage in creating and keeping rapport, watching always for what we do that can be perceived as a threat.
Jennifer found herself
a self-proclaimed relationship expert without having established a real relationship to the horse. Why?
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