Delwayne, Sr. (PJ and DJ’s Father) Precious, Jr. (PJ) Delwayne, Jr. (DJ)


But sometimes parents do not allow children to talk about their anger, and this eventually leads to a need to act out through explosive outbursts. It is far better to allow children to talk about their feelings as they occur than to have to pick up the pieces! Allowing angry feelings to accumulate, to the point that it takes a volcanic eruption to get rid of them, is never healthy. Start to talk about feelings when your children are young and you will avoid many painful encounters with them lat- er in life.


Be flexible. Flexibility means that you are willing to compromise some of your demands and, if necessary, negotiate for others. The most im- portant area is that of visiting rights. Conflicts with your ex-spouse in this area will always affect your children. They will create tension and interfere with the quality of the visits.


Perhaps this is the subconscious reason why many parents avoid being flexible — to keep their children from enjoying their visits with the other parent. Be ruthlessly honest with yourself and work to avoid rigidity.


The need for flexibility should not be taken to mean that a parent should surrender all of his or her rights to the other. To do so would invite ma- nipulation. But choose your battles carefully. There are many issues that are not important in themselves, so don't stand on principle just for principle's sake. Remember that you can com- municate Christian love far better through being reasonable than by being obstinate.


Encourage the relationship with the ex- spouse. The more time they spend together, the better. It is an unfortunate fact that most absent parents gradually become less involved with their children after a divorce. The initial frequent con- tact slowly fades away.


Fathers are more apt to maintain contact with sons than with daughters. Since both sons and daughters need to have contact with both par- ents, it takes a concerned and wise parent to be creative about maintaining contact between fathers and daughters. Personal bitterness has to be set aside and activities with both mother and father encouraged.


11 PHF MAGAZINE


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