family & friends
Bonded lace jacket and dress £110, available from Long Tall Sally
(
www.longtallsally.com)
Joanna Hope print dress and jacket, from £150, available from Fifty Plus (
www.fi ftyplus.co.uk)
t is the day you’ve been dreaming of since you were a little girl – but this time round, you want to get it right. You may have already had the meringue dress, the bridesmaids, the stress – and the memories will remind you of all the ups and downs of your fi rst marriage now that you’re thinking of tying the knot again. With most marriages in the UK today
I
being remarriages for one or both partners, gone are the days of having to run to the registrar in shame: you can now remarry in (some) churches, have your wedding abroad, theme it like it’s the 1920s and have your grown-up children as your bridesmaids and best men.
But that doesn’t mean that the stress is any less the second time around. “With a fi rst marriage you’ve got a lot to think about, but with the second you’ve got a lot more to think about,” says Jill Curtis, author of How to Get Married... Again. “It’s no good thinking, ‘we’re in love, let’s cross our fi ngers and jump’. There are too many people involved – and everyone will have something to say about it. Talking openly with your partner about expectations and planning together is key says Jill. “Leave nothing to chance,” she advises. “There are hundreds of things to talk about. Even an intended small wedding doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. And the stress, the tears, the fl ouncing, the ‘if he’s coming, I’m not coming’ things that often crop up in a minor way the fi rst time round really seem to hit the fan the second time and can cause huge rifts in families.” How and when you tell your children
of your remarriage is one of the most important issues you’ll have to deal with. Involve them as much as possible in the
Planning For Later Life Magazine
Bow silk suit with peplum £990, from Katja Nuutinen Couture (
www.kncouture.com)
planning process and ceremony so that they feel part of the family’s restructuring. Next, there’s the question of what
to wear. Do you feel a bit of a hypocrite wanting to wear white? Do you feel confused over dress protocol since this is your fi rst wedding but your partner’s second? It is perfectly acceptable for a second-time bride to wear a wedding dress and is quite old-fashioned to think that you shouldn’t wear white. But age-appropriate is the best advice, whatever age you are. And last, but not least, what kind of
ceremony should you have? If you’ve never been married but your partner has, or vice versa, have an open chat about your expectations. There are probably going to be niggling worries about the previous ‘big day’ in your partner’s life and whether comparisons will be made by guests. Throwing in the towel and opting for a wedding abroad is always a safe option exactly for this reason, and weekend weddings are a popular option when you can hire a venue – around 60% of second-timers do that anyway. Or if you wanted a low-key ceremony fi rst time round, what’s stopping you going for a full-blown lavish affair?
Is there a difference between fi rst and second marriages?
You’re no doubt entering your second marriage determined not to make the same mistakes again, but it’s important to remember that this partnership can bring new and different challenges for you both… 1. Communication is key: talk to your partner about how you feel – this is especially important if you or your partner have children from a previous marriage, or if your/their
ex-partner becomes an issue between you. 2. Disputes over fi nances are the number one cause of divorce in British marriages. Talk to your prospective spouse about your fi nancial situation and how you would like to combine your fi nances (or not). 3. In second marriages it is easy to talk about divorce as one, or both, of you has been married before. Don’t dwell on your past, look forward to your new future together. In fact, you might fi nd that your experience helps to make your second marriage better and stronger.
Engaging or
enraging news? Research has revealed that men spend £1,000 more on the engagement ring for their second wife, saying they have “more faith” in the security of the second marriage. What’s more, the study found that 92% of them pay for the sparkler themselves, with just 7% saying they split the cost of the ring with their fi ancée. However, third wives enjoy an even larger average spend of £3,003 on their engagement ring – a rise of more than £950. • Least romantic of all were the 8% of men who told researchers, who were carrying out the survey for
www.comparejewellery.com, that they chose to “recycle” their fi rst wife’s engagement ring and give it to their new partner after proposing.
43
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52