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INTERNATIONAL EDUCATION


the kind of personality they’ve received in their genes, and explain to them that personality is like eye colour: it’s something you’re born with. Introverted, shy and cautious children require help


understanding that their personalities are needed in the world, and that they tend to thrive in certain settings (in nature, creative endeavours, and so on). However, such children need tricks to deal with a life


on the road. For example, teach them to look for somebody else who’s probably feeling afraid, like somebody standing alone in the playground. Teach your child to take a big, deep breath, walk up to that person, introduce themself, and then find out where the person has come from and what their hobbies are. Before they know it, they may have a friend.


6. Give us some choices. For many children, the experience of having to move is an exercise in ‘choicelessness’. The Big People seem to decide everything: whether a move is happening, where it’s going to occur, and when it’s going to happen. Human beings seek control over the parameters of


their existence. The long-term absence of control over these parameters can lead to two alternatives: angry rebellion or learned helplessness. (A word of reassurance to parents of rebellious teens: angry rebellion is healthier than learned helplessness. The ego is at least fighting for


survival, rather than giving up.) Against this backdrop, it becomes important to give


youngsters choices about things that reasonably belong in their domain. Such choices can be large ones, like which school to attend, or seemingly minimal ones, like what to wear or what to have for lunch. Supporting a child’s ability to choose, through times when so much for them feels out of control, helps build a conf ident child. See Martin Seligman’s The Optimistic Child for more ideas.


7. Welcome our difficult feelings. In my experience of counselling children around mobility issues, it’s the feeling that they don’t have permission to have negative feelings that leads to trouble. Many children feel under pressure from their parents


(‘Why can’t you just be positive for a change?’) or their environment (‘You’re so lucky to be going to live abroad!’) to bury negative feelings. But buried negative feelings pop up unpredictably later in life. When children are allowed to have negative feelings,


and when they’re encouraged to express such feelings within appropriate bounds (‘We get it that you’re mad about being here, and that’s fine, but we expect you not to insult anybody in the process’), these feelings get validated and ultimately relax.


CENTRAL LONDON BETWEEN REGENTS PARK AND HYDE PARK


MARYLEBONE www.icschool.co.uk


The International Community School is the central London International school offering all three International Baccalaureate Programmes (PYP, MYP and Diploma). Celebrating 35 years of academic excellence and diversity ICS offers a truly individual approach to learning for all our students in a supportive and challenging environment.


admissions@ics.uk.net +44 (0)20 7402 0416


GOOD SCHOOLS GUIDE


50 | Re:locate | Autumn 2015


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