MajorBloodnok, Agony Aunt HEED MY WISDOM OR I’LL SET @MajorMcBloodnok

JK ROWLING ON YOU

are not to be considered the true voice of Scotland’s electorate. In fact it was all a collective hallucination and in actuality the Speaker of the House of Commons and/or his deputy are really the duly elected members for all of Scotland’s constituencies (apart from Edinburgh South and Dumfriesshire, Clydesdale and Tweeddale, both coincidentally held by the Tories).

This is why the BBC slavishly reports at any opportunity every word, admonishment, frown or exhortation utered by the Speaker to “stop clapping you Scotch rabble’, which is clearly far more newsworthy and politically important than what any jumped up politics graduate may have to say for herself about Tony Benn’s weathervanes and signposts.

Dear MajorBloodnok,

Who do you think a) will win the current Labour Party leadership contest and b) how big do you think their majority will be when will sweep to power at the next UK General Election (circa 2020)? Mememe_Pick_Me

Dear MajorBloodnok

Apparently there are 56 SNP MPs at Westminster now but I have never seen any of their maiden speeches or indeed anything they have ever said reported on BBC Reporting Scotland. Why is this? Got_the_Bird

Dear Bird,

The BBC’s coverage merely projects the ‘reality’ that 56 SNP MPs allegedly elected in May 2015 are entirely irrelevant and

Tis is why the BBC slavishly reports at any opportunity every word, admonishment, frown or exhortation uttered by the Speaker to “stop clapping you Scotch rabble.”

Dear Mememe,

a) I don’t know and I don’t care and b) look, you, I do the jokes around here.

Dear MajorBloodnok, The other day I went given a medical examination by a consultant proctologist, who told me, in passing, that he was actually a Jedi. Why would he do that? Luke_Strange

Dear Luke,

I don’t know. Maybe he thinks it’s amusing to wave his fingers in front of his face mysteriously and intone “these aren’t the haemorrhoids you’re looking for”.

By Mick Foy

94

August 2015