12 San Diego Reader February 23, 2017
Walter
Mencken’s
SD ON THE QT Copper Pot
Artist’s conception of privately funded football stadium in the Mis- sion Valley region of what boosters are hoping will become “Ameri- ca’s Finest European City.”
Football Returning to San Diego?
Mayor Faulconer: “We are a city dedicated to welcoming immigrants from all over the world, and to those immigrants, soccer is football. Who are we to say otherwise?”
Undefeated
Statement from Dis- trict Attorney Bonnie Dumanis: “In my 17 years as a fighter for the rule of law in San Diego, I’ve mixed it up with a lot of tough cases. And I’ll admit, there have been times when my will was tested, when all the facts seemed stacked against me and the press was declaring the fight over almost before it began. But that’s when a cham- pion shows what she’s made of. In those moments, I was able to reach down into a place where the outraged public and the grieving families will never understand. I was able to touch the unbreakable bond between those who uphold the law in the street and those who uphold it in the courtroom.
San Diego Police Dept. supplements officer salaries via sales of seized marijuana
Employees “high” on “kind” new policy
District Attorney Dumanis announces plan to retire at end of term, having never suffered a loss in police shooting-incident reviews
“When you are the greatest, every move is the right move.” SECRETARY DEVOS EDITION
Final record: 153-0, with 72 of those victo- ries coming by KO (Killed by Officer).
That bond is why I’ve named my right hand ‘Law’ and my left hand ‘Order’ and unleashed their full fury on those who oppose me. And that bond is how I found the strength to rule in the officer’s favor, every time. Thank you, San Diego. There isn’t much that’s perfect in this world. But I am. And that’s why I’m stepping down now, before age and wisdom have a chance to weaken my resolve.”
On The Good Wife, Christine
Baranski plays a lawyer who hates guns but has an apparently paradoxical connection to a gun expert.
Apparently inexpert
Betsy DeVos is paradoxically the Secretary of Education and says at least one school should have a gun to protect against grizzly bears.
As a seven-year-old, Girls creator and star
Lena Dunham investigated her one- year-old sister’s vagina but insisted it was within the spectrum of things that she did.
San Diego school superintendent
Cindy Marten testified that the seri- ousness of forced oral copulation between two kindergarten- ers depends on the circumstances, and she also wants DeVos to make changes based on facts instead of ideology.
In Bee Movie, Ray
Liotta plays a hot-tempered head honcho who doesn’t want to answer tough questions from an outsider.
San Diego Unified president Richard
Barrera says that tempers are running too hot right now to invite DeVos to visit and ask tough questions.
San Diego police sergeant Oli- ver Martinez can still remem- ber the day he had his big idea. “This one time in 2013, I was assigned to destroy about 500 pounds of primo bud that we’d found inside a rotting whale carcass in Carlsbad — don’t ask. There was no case to pur- sue and it was contraband, so the chief said to just get rid of it. We made a bonfire right there on the beach, and let me tell you, it was not an unpleas- ant experience. I couldn’t help thinking it was a shame to just get rid of something at once so
happy-making and so valuable. So when Prop 64 went through last November, I wasted no time in proposing the Cop Shop Pot Stop.” Martinez notes that “San
Diego’s Police Department is notorious for offering lower salaries than many other met- ropolitan police departments. It’s part of the reason we have so much trouble filling the ranks. But just because we can’t change the city’s budget doesn’t mean we can’t develop other revenue streams. Even though recreational and medi-
San Diego police chief Shelley Zimmerman works the counter on the Pot Stop’s opening day, carefully explaining the proper technique for marijuana consumption to a citizen who has almost certainly never used the drug prior to its legalization.
cal marijuana are both legal now, there’s still an awful lot of illegal or unlicensed product out there. And while a lot of it slips through, we still pick up something on the order of a ton a month, some of it really top-shelf. Of course, we have to hold on to it as long as it’s evidence in a pending case. But after that — it’s a free market, baby.” In the three weeks that the
Pot Stop has been in opera- tion at the downtown police
station, profits have doubled every week. “Once people fig- ure out it’s not a setup, they’re glad to work with us. There’s a real comfort in knowing that, at long last, The Man is on your side. In fact, business is so good that we’re starting to run low on inventory.” Still, he’s not too concerned. “Do you have any idea how many illegal med-mar shops are in operation right now in San Diego? A couple of raids and we’ll be stocked up to the rafters.”
Almost factual news
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