support and encouragement of their classmates. Discussions include light- hearted wordplay and questions about anatomy and physiology.” Pahl urges everyone at every age, “Consume only whole foods, always.” He rarely drinks alcohol and begins every day with yoga and qigong. “Also, be sure to stay well hydrated,”
adds Jones. “This will keep your joints healthy, skin clear and moist, digestion more efficient and detoxification of organ systems more effective. Add fresh lemon if you like.” Physical fitness is only one aspect of
aging gracefully. Spiritual growth lifts and lightens any mental and emotional load, while supporting physical well-being. Spitzer also recommends, “Reading,
learning to play a musical instrument, crafting activities, computer strategy games or doing other activities that require concentration or new prob- lem-solving skills; all help the mind stay tuned up and sharp.” It’s always healthy to break out of normal routines and comfort zones, venture into new worlds, volunteer and do what makes our heart soar. Jones advises, “Choose activities that feel good, refreshing, include peo- ple you enjoy, and are done in pleasant environments. Don’t forget to revel in sunshine or a good book on a rainy day. Listen to music, play music, sing and dance every day.”
Maturity brings benefits we can em-
brace with delight when we bring loving attention and happy novelty to life.
Aimee Hughes, a freelance writer in Kansas City, MO, is a doctor of natu- ropathy and consul- tant for the Yandara Yoga Institute. Connect at Chez
Aimee@gmail.com.
inspiration
KISSED BY KINDNESS
by Emily Esfahani Smith P
sychologist Ty Tashiro reports in The Science of Happily Ever After that only three in 10 couples remain in healthy, happy marriages. Psychologist John Gottman, in New York City, has studied couples for four decades seeking to understand success- ful relationships. He and his psychol- ogist wife, Julie, founded The Gottman Institute that helps couples build and maintain loving, healthy relationships based on scientific studies. Using data from his Love Lab at
the University of Washington, John separated thousands of couples into two groups: masters (still happy after six years) and disasters (separated or chron- ically unhappy in their marriages). One of Gottman’s studies watched
130 newlywed vacationing couples and found that partners regularly made bids for connection, requesting respons- es from their mate. Choices to “turn toward” or “turn away” revealed the level of engagement and respect in the relationship. Couples that divorced with- in six years had shown “turn toward” bids a third of the time while couples still together responded to their partner’s emotional need nine times out of 10. An integral element is the spir- it couples bring to the relationship: kindness and generosity or contempt, criticism and hostility. “There’s a key habit of mind that the
masters have,” Gottman explains. “They are scanning the social environment for things they can appreciate and express thanks for. Disasters are scanning for partners’ mistakes.” People focused on criticizing
miss 50 percent of positive things their
partners are doing and see negativity when it’s absent. Deliberately ignoring their partner or responding minimally to opportunities for small moments of emotional connection devalues and kills a relationship. Kindness, conversely, glues cou-
ples together, making each partner feel cared for, understood, validated and loved. In a study published in the Pro- ceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers found that the more someone receives or witnesses kindness, the more they will be kind themselves, creating upward spirals of love and generosity. Practicing kindness during a fight is vital. Letting contempt and aggres- sion spiral out of control during a conflict can inflict irrevocable damage. “Kindness doesn’t mean that we don’t express anger,” Julie explains, “But it informs how we choose to express it. You can either throw spears or explain why you’re hurt and angry, which is the kinder path.”
Kindness can also solidify the
backbone of a relationship by being generous about our partner’s intention and avoiding misinterpreting what’s motivating their behavior. “Even if it’s executed poorly, appreciate the intent,” Tashiro advises. Clearly, if we want to have a stable,
healthy relationship, exercise kindness early and often and let a spirit of gener- osity guide happy years together.
Emily Esfahani Smith is the author of The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That Matters. Connect at EmilyEsfahaniSmith. com or on Twitter @emesfahanismith.
natural awakenings February 2017 21
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