SELF AWARENE SS
Obstacles to belonging
Once we see clearly what our particular pattern is, it no longer has power
over us. From here we can learn to experience more
belonging than ever before. by Gayane Kulikyan
I
haven’t felt at home since becoming a refugee at the age of nine. I searched for years for a place I could call my
own. Every time my family moved – which was every two to three years – I thought to myself, “maybe THIS place will be where I’ll finally arrive”. Unfortunately, it wasn’t so. When I became old enough to travel
on my own, I boarded a plane with anticipation of finding a perfect city and country that would stir in me a sense of belonging and home. Although I thoroughly enjoyed travelling, I also felt disappointed, and the longing for ‘home’ still nagged at me. My journey to find my home has
been deeply healing, challenging, and at times exhilarating. Along the way, I met my soul friends, discovered my purpose, and found my spiritual teacher and a community that is closely linked to my soul’s calling. In addition to that, the intimacy with myself and within my relationships is continuing to deepen with time.
46 JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2017
If you feel rejected, you might have a hard time creating relationships and friendships in which you feel secure, held and loved.
Based on my own inner work, observations, and numerous courses I’ve engaged in, I have observed emerging themes that have blocked me, and others, from experiencing belonging. Here are some of them:
Shame Often, when we feel shame we have a tendency to hide our authentic self from others. This creates two layers of identity within us. Typically, we then communicate with others from the top layer, losing access to the deeper layer
which, when tapped into, can allow genuine connection to emerge.
Feeling rejected This feeling could become part of an identity as early as birth. For example, if you felt rejected by your mum or dad, this feeling could have started straight away. Or, if you moved around the world or grew up in different countries, it’s highly likely that you didn’t feel like you were a part of any particular culture. If you feel rejected, you might have a hard time creating relationships and friendships in which you feel secure, held and loved.
Lack of attunement If, as you were growing up, nobody around you mirrored your feelings, needs, and desires back to you, then you might feel lost in the sea of your inner experiences. Lack of attunement can also lead to a sense of disconnectedness from yourself as well as people around you.
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