UPBEAT TIMES, INC. • May 2016 • 23
Horoscopes MAY 2016
by Yerevan
readingsbyyerevan@gmail.com Aries (3/21 - 4/20)
It wouldn’t matter if the sky were falling this month, Aries ‘cause “you got this” as the slang saying goes. Therefore, do not be too surprised if things do begin to topple down around you. You may walk through the rubble with ease, resourcefulness and grace. You might be feeling pretty sexy while you’re at it too. The main problem is that some people feel threatened by just how cool you’re keeping under heat and pressure. Perhaps this is a good time to help others in need.
Taurus (4/21 - 5/20)
This is a very interesting time for you. Nos- talgic, romantic,
poetic...in your daydreams or in actuality you could stumble upon a very old treasure chest containing precious jewels you forgot were accessible to you. This is a month when you can release a lot of your fears and worries and trust a turning of events in your favor. Many things that be- gan late April will be influential through the rest of your year. What will you do with the precious jewels?
Gemini (5/21 - 6/20)
Although it might seem as though obstacles are standing in your way, if you take a step back with an objective view, you’ll be able to appreciate that you have really been mak- ing some huge progress in certain areas. What is required at this stage is patience as the all the kinks get worked out. From now until autumn season you are breaking free from some long-standing patterns that have gotten in the way of your success, love, life, and overall happiness.
Cancer (6/21 - 7/22)
This May is a reflective yet harmonious month for you. You may be inspired to rid yourself of excess and anything that has bogged you down, so that your inner radi- ance can shine more brightly in the world. Your heart and mind may feel quite full as memories and wounds of the past rise up for healing and release. This is a time to both seek out and offer comfort and solace, and to express your love to one or many in all the ways that you are so moved to do.
Leo (7/23 - 8/22)
You may wish to conserve some of your en- ergy or resources this month, because con- ditions aren’t quite right for new investments or beginnings in general. Relationship dy- namics with children or a lover may fluctu- ate between fantastic and infuriating. Your saving grace this month comes from your ability to channel your talents into the areas where they will bring the greatest reward or payback. Simple rituals in nature, getting in touch with your ancestral roots, immersing yourself in a culture that inspires you could
be healing and uplifting for your soul. Virgo
(8/23 - 9/22)
If at all you feel stuck just remind yourself to keep moving forward, little by little at times, in leaps and bounds and others. If you can go with the flow of your own cycles and rhythms, you can avoid getting dragged along a path that does not serve you, based on other peoples’ desperate needs and dra- mas. It may be easier to let someone go that is unhealthy for you by moving away from a place that reminds you so much about them, at least for awhile.
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UPBEAT TIMES, INC. • May 2016 • 23 Libra (9/23 - 10/22)
Communications could be explosive if you’re not careful this month, so remember the choices available to you in any annoying situations that arise. If work allows, it could do you a lot of good to get away somewhere for a change of pace or scenery. Spend time with friends, get into exciting and interest- ing activities. Whatever you do, find ways to keep your mind off of things that only bring you down. Keep focused on the positive and you’ll truly thank yourself later.
Scorpio (10/23 - 11/22)
This month you’re best off if you have some- thing to really sink your teeth into (without hurting anyone). It could be a great novel, a project you’ve been working on, the remod- eling of a house or business. There may be a focus on property management, up- grades, or organization of your finances. If you experience a total reversal of plans mid- month it is likely because there is something better in store or the circumstances to carry them out will be more conducive later on.
Sagittarius (11/23 - 12/21)
his is a very hot month for you but you’re used to the heat, right? Initially you’re so on fire you might feel unstoppable and at times have the Midas’ touch. The catch is that you might suddenly feel torn in two radically dif- ferent directions and need to make a choice that entails some degree of sacrifice. Pas- sionate energies are running high, which can be good for sexual relationships. Body movements such as dance, jogging, or mar- tial arts are recommended.
Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19)
This month there is an emphasis on soften- ing your rough edges, whatever, wherever they may be. You are being put in touch with your maternal side and harmonizing of fam- ily relationships. If you are in a high ranking position of leadership, you must become more compassionate in your dealings with others. If you are working hard for minimal pay, then look to sources that nurture and fill you. Expand your capacity to receive what you need.
Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18)
Have you stopped recently to take inventory on what you are creating in your life? Taken stock of your resources, and receipts? Sometimes you don’t realize how powerful you are. There are some things you have hoped and wished for that are beginning to manifest but you mustn’t give up just because they’re not yet visible. Shadowy issues with father figures or men in general could be coming up for healing and release.
Pisces (2/19 - 3/20)
Following suit with last month, you may be inclined to show more assertiveness than usual this May. You will know when it’s appropriate and when it’s not to press for- ward. In some cases you definitely benefit from pumping yourself up. Other times you just need to lay low. There are significant changes that occurred recently that you still have not settled into. Surround yourself with the love and support you need to rise to the next level.
Maximum Merriment
JOKES & Humor # 8 ... continued from page 22
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub. The fi rst guy says “Let’s go in there for a pint.” Second guy, says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.” First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.”
Amanda Murray, to reveal
more than the fact that fortune cookies are not Chinese but from Japan. T eir production company sounds delightful: “Wicked Delicate Films.” T eir big reveal is American-Chinese restaurants
feature foods that
please American palates. But, the premise that it is “more American than apple pie” is maybe “pie in the sky” on their part. May is here! Remember Einstein: “T e most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed!” ~Happy bar-b-q-ing! ~Ellie
He goes up to the pub, and sure enough the doorman says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.” He replies, “Oh, I’m visually impaired and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman says, “Ok then, come on in.”
The second guy sees this and does the same thing. He goes up to the pub, and the doorman says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.” He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman responds, “You have a chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?” The second guy stops for a second, and exclaims, “They gave me a chihuahua?”
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