Infertility: The Holiday Season’s Biggest Grinch By Spencer Richlin, MD T
he holidays can be the happiest time of year… or the saddest. According to the National Institutes of Health, there is a high incidence of depression during December’s holiday season. Hospitals report an increase in the number of suicides or attempted suicides during this time of year. Mental health professionals report a signifi cant increase in their patients’ symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Infertility patients often face added sadness during the holiday season. Lisa Schuman, LCSW, the Director of Mental Health Ser- vices at Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut, witnesses patients struggle each year. They are faced with both the pain of in- fertility and a myriad of hurtful experiences that arise when interact- ing with family and friends over the holidays.
Schuman has worked with infertility patients for almost two decades. She is also the Chair of the Oocyte Cryopreservation Task Force for the Mental Health Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM). Schuman has received several awards for research at the ASRM and the Pacifi c Coast Reproductive Society’s annual meetings.
What Makes the Holidays More Diffi cult Than Other Times of the Year? Interactions with friends and family during a time of year that is supposed to be joyous can be diffi cult for several reasons. First, families and friends are often together during the holidays, making it a common time for announcements, such as “We’re pregnant!” Even if the infertility patient feels happy for a relative or friend who makes such an announcement, it is only natural that she would feel badly about her own misfortune. Further, family members can be intrusive by asking too many questions, giving unsolicited advice, or criticiz- ing. Finally, the holidays can mark the end of another year without a baby. The resulting pain can be enormous.
What Can Infertility Patients Do to Help Themselves Get Through This Tough Season? Patients would be wise to appreciate how upsetting these inter- actions can be. They can preserve their relationships and take care of themselves by considering that this time in their life is extremely stressful, but it won’t last forever.
It is commonly known that infertility can be a clinically depress- ing experience. We know that infertility patients who are unsuccess-
20 Natural Nutmeg - December 2015
ful at obtaining a pregnancy can experience levels of depression that are similar to chemotherapy patients. Patients who are having trouble getting pregnant may truly have the same level of depression as patients fi ghting for their lives. Friends and family rarely understand this, and therefore cannot be expected to say or do “the right thing.” It’s unlikely that baby announcements will be postponed, that sweet aunt Ethel will refrain herself from asking, “So when will you two have children?” or that a sister-in-law will hold back from boasting about how easy it was to get pregnant.
So how does someone struggling with infertility deal with the emotions triggered during the holidays and possibly enfl amed by the reactions of others? The answer is in the planning. Understand- ing that the holidays may bring added stress can help patients either minimize their interactions with friends and family or be prepared to be direct with them about their feelings. A friend or family member may not understand if their beloved relative doesn’t attend every family event, but missing a few events can usually be tolerated.
If being direct is an option, friends and family often respond well to that approach. While infertility makes attending a particular event painful, and missing the event will be upsetting, attending future events will be a pleasure once your feelings are made known to family members.
The importance of taking time to nurture a partnership as well as
the body and spirit cannot be overestimated. It may not be possible to control the medical treatment, but it is possible to take control over one’s health and well-being. Acupuncture, psychotherapy, mas- sage, yoga, or just taking some time off can be rejuvenating. It can also be helpful to feel balanced by having more control over other aspects of one’s life. For example, taking a cooking class or learn- ing how to knit can feel incredibly stabilizing because effort is put into something and there is an immediate benefi t. Activities such as these can actually counteract some of the “out of control” feelings of infertility treatment.
What Can Family Members Say or Do? Friends and family need to understand that infertility is a medi- cal condition and the pain of infertility can lead to depression, self-blame, and diminished self-esteem. Phrases such as “just relax” and “look on the bright side” can leave one feeling criticized and uncared for.
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