PERSONAL DEVELOPEMNT
Conquering anger
In this hard-hitting true- life story, Hong shows her client how it is his anger causing his health problems and his choice to let it go. READER WARNING: swear words
by Hong Curley
A 35 YEAR-OLD BUSINESSMAN, James, suddenly developed high pitched tinnitus. The noise was so loud that it drove him insane. He lived in anger and rage for over two years. “All I want to do is to kill someone”, he wrote on his medical symptom sheet. He went to many doctors including ear specialists, acupuncturists, cranial therapists and kinesiologists for the previous two years without any positive result. The last doctor he saw told him that he had to live with this condition for the rest of his life and that he could prescribe anti-depression drugs for him to cope with the symptoms. He was very frustrated when I saw him. I observed James. He presented an
image of a powerful, successful man in his own right, but he looked a bit rough around the edges. He had a stubborn, determined look in his eyes. However, his eyes were very red and inflamed due to his hot temper and inner tension. He did look like a pressure cooker ready to blow up. I started the conversation, “James, what
did you experience the day or the week before you developed this tinnitus?” “Nothing!!” he immediately shouted, “I just woke up with it one morning.”
I smiled and said calmly, “Tell me about
this day of nothing in detail. I want to know every nothing that happened to you the day or the week before you developed this ringing, especially the nothing that made you so angry.” “How do you know I was angry?”
“You looked angry when you said, ‘Nothing’. This so-called nothing looked like a very bad memory.”
“I don’t want to talk about it! I don’t want to go there. Do you mind? Just leave me alone.” His face turned very red and his whole body tensed up causing veins popping up all over his neck and arms. “What if talking about it is the only way to cure this tinnitus? If you are prepared to put up with this horrible loud ringing in your ears for the rest of your life, then don’t talk about it.” “You had better be right”, he
challenged me. “There is not once that I am wrong in
reading people’s emotion”, I responded with confidence and authority. (Having conducted 32,000 face-to-face
consultations by then, I knew a thing or two about human emotions.) James looked to me for assurance.
I looked him in the eyes with love and kindness. Our eyes locked, and I passed a deep sense of assurance to him through my being. He started to open up, “I had a physical fight with my brother. He stole my girlfriend. It was a pretty rough fight. I thought I was going to kill him.” He looked very angry and started to form his hands into fists while he retrieved his painful memory. “Oh, why didn’t you? Killing him is going
to make you happy and you can live with your girlfriend happily ever after. What a brilliant idea.” He got annoyed with my sarcasm. “A
man does stupid things when he is angry, but fancy stealing your brother’s fiancée. That is a sin!!!” He was almost screaming. “I don’t think people can be stolen in
that way, James. Maybe it is more like your fiancée realised that she loved him more than she loved you.” “Yeah, you can put it that way. She was
with me for four fucking years and she saw my brother once when he came back to visit from the army. Two months later, she
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