Five Steps to Date Intentionally T
here is a great opportunity in dating when you are moving past your twenties, thirties and perhaps your forties. You can approach the whole process with purpose. The way we met
our fi rst boyfriend or girlfriend was usually through a friend in high school, sitting next to someone in math class or meeting at a party. At that time, we were beginning to discover the world around us but didn’t have a lot of perspective on ourselves, our beliefs or how we wanted to be in this world. Approaching forty is often a turning point in people’s lives, when they develop a deeper understanding of themselves, and usually a strong sense of vulnerability as they re- alize that the work towards being our best self continues, each and every day. Out of this sense of vulnerability and greater awareness of ourselves, we have a golden opportunity to date intentionally. When dating intentionally, we can also anticipate the end game. We know that some of the keys to a good relationship are trust, vul- nerability, kindness and communication. These key characteristics become easier when we have greater self-awareness. The following suggestions for dating intentionally allow these characteristics to fl ourish in yourself and your relationships.
A couple good places to start…
Look inwards Through a focus on ourselves, we create room for others. We
have to fully understand ourselves and be able to articulate for oth- ers what we know about our proclivities and tendencies. And, we have to do something surprisingly challenging: Accept ourselves, as we are now, for real. We all have a past; we have all done things we aren’t terribly proud of. We all have a dark side, which we prefer not to show others, and sometimes not even to think about. Our dark side, arising from our insecurities, often rears its ugly head when we are in relation to another. Through truly having awareness of ourselves, we can start to be who we want to be in relationships.
Pursue your passions Finding that special someone can be frustrating as you put
yourself out there and continue to end up empty handed. Focus- ing on your passions and what it is you love in life can open new worlds and avenues to meeting interesting people. This puts the focus where it should be, on you. Think of the last time you met someone who was really pursuing their passions and how that struck you. You were likely intrigued, inspired and even attracted to that person. Focusing on your passions will raise your attractiveness to others.
Work hard How did you become good at what you do? Did you sit back
and let the world come to you? No, we get to where we want to be through diligence, focus, hard work and dedication. We work hard to have healthy bodies and open minds. The same holds true with dating and fi nding a great mate: hard work can pay off. In the dat- ing world, this “work” can come in the form of self-inquiry through yoga, meditation, or journaling; and self-love through healthy eat- ing, working our bodies and practicing loving thoughts. It may also mean conducting research on the best online sites and deciding to step in that direction. Or getting your picture taken by a profes- sional to put your best foot forward.
Be open
A lot of people feel they have a clear sense of what they want in another person. It certainly makes sense to have an idea of the direction you want to go in terms of forming a partnership with another. However, it may also be wise and even fun, to also allow life to surprise you. You may have been saying for years that you want someone 6 feet and then be spun around by the perfectly ad- equately heighted man next to you. You may have insisted on a thin and athletic woman and then fi nd yourself rolling from laughter from the insightful humor of the perfectly curvy woman sitting at the table across from you. Next time you are at an event with other
16 Essential Living Maine ~ February 2015 Digital Edition
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