guel Ruiz, Jr., of San Diego, California, author of The Five Levels of Attachment. “With awareness, we can observe our uncomfortable emotions, as they may be showing a belief we are holding that is no longer true for us.” “To work through our emotions,


we have to be able to accurately sense what we are feeling and be able to express it in a healthy way,” adds Straub, like expressing anger after a tough commute by punching a desig- nated pillow or shouting into a closet. Furthermore, “We need to change the belief we’ve identified that’s causing the painful emotional response.” Did the guy that cut us off in traffic really do it maliciously? Third, learn to let go of a negative emotion that’s automatically triggered when someone or something presses our “hot button” by immedi- ately considering, “He must have been in a big hurry,” or “She doesn’t realize how offensive that remark could be,” realizing it’s their problem, not ours, and declining to make it ours. Achieving greater emotional calm is a huge step toward personal empowerment.


Relationships


Acting on heartfelt emotions can help forge stronger and healthier relation- ships. “Sometimes, we say yes to a false image of ourselves or hide who we are in order to be accepted,” coun- sels Ruiz, noting that not presenting our authentic selves in relationships will weaken or replace true intimacy with a sense of loneliness and dis- tance. “Say, ‘I forgive, I accept and I let go.’” This paves the way to being gen- uine, which naturally leads to greater unconditional love and more fulfilling and honest relationships. In romantic relationships, life


coach Martha Beck, Ph.D., author of Finding Your Way in a Wild New World: Reclaiming Your True Nature to Create the Life You Want, suggests ditching the image of two people looking soulfully into each other’s eyes. “Realize that you’re both chang- ing all the time,” she says. Instead, envision two people walking side-by- side at the same pace, and a relation- ship that will continue to refresh and move forward, instead of getting stuck in well-worn patterns.


meditating. “You have to relax to start dissolving the disbelief in the possi- bility of having what you want,” she says. “Empty out the negative thoughts in order to gain the confidence that abundance is yours.”


Work


Capability is one of the new guiding principles for self-empowerment at work, says Haydn Shaughnessy, a fellow at the University of California-Irvine’s Center for Digital Transformation and co-author, with Nicholas Vitalari, of The Elastic Enterprise. “It’s more about a broad-stroke capability,” he claims, such as public speaking, writing or troubleshooting and fixing machinery. Capability means a strong skill that can be fine-tuned for a specific circum- stance; a talented generalist, rather than a narrow specialist. Shaughnessy recommends that we recognize and develop our best competencies in order to equip ourselves to both withstand economic adversity and help push our careers forward.


Finances Fiscal self-empowerment involves cul- tivating the confidence that we will be able to obtain more money when need- ed. Beck maintains that anyone can create abundance that lasts. “Where people believe they get abundance, they will,” she says, as in friendships or creative problem solving. It’s the mixed internal messages of, “I need more money,” with, “There’s not enough to go around,” that can block the flow of abundance in our lives. Beck, who lives in San Luis Obis- po, California, recommends throwing a “neurological toggle switch” to turn off the “lack-and-attack” part of our brains and turn on the “everything-is-going- to-be-all-right” area. This is realized through slowing down, relaxing and


Spirituality Following all of these first five steps also helps enhance our spirituality. Dennis Merritt Jones, of Simi Valley, Califor- nia, author of the new book, Your (Re) Defining Moments: Becoming Who You Were Born to Be, calls it “being pulled by vision,” rather than being pushed by pain. The motivational speaker believes that every encounter, event or circumstance is a portal to a redefining moment—a chance to connect with our authentic self. Jones cites seven characteristics of the authentic or timeless self: realizing our oneness in life, reverence for that life, fearlessness because we know we’re part of something bigger, integrity, humility, equanimity and unconditional love. “When these qualities become the norm in our daily lives, we’ll know we are living from the authentic self,” he says. Jones urges us to live “more


vertically.” He explains, “We exist on what I call the surface of life, a hori- zontal pathway where we go about our daily routines. We often don’t hear the siren call from the depths of our being because we are so busy ‘doing’. It’s the authentic self that’s eternally calling us to be who we were born to be.” He describes a “sacred intersec-


tion” where we can turn from the hori- zontal everyday and move in a vertical direction to the depths of our souls or the heights of our imaginations via mindfulness and self-enquiry. Fortunate- ly, every moment of every day offers this opportunity to expand our being. The key question is, “Will we be consciously present enough to recognize the open- ing and step through the door?” These experts concur there is no finish line for self-empowerment or attaining the perfect place to stay. It’s a “sustainable growth process,” says Gershon, an ideal project for the rest of our lives.


Judith Fertig blogs at AlfrescoFoodAnd Lifestyle.blogspot.com from Overland Park, KS.


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