THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2
DVDOF THE MONTH
Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can. Can’t get out,
of the bath, gets eaten, after sex. And also stumbles into sleeping people’s mouths on average six times a year. My point is that, conceptually, Spiderman is a pretty shit superhero. In fact, his web-slinging abilities are provided by mechanical devices so, really, his only super-power is the ability to stick to things. Being bitten by a radioactive spider is one way to obtain this power, but, then, so would swallowing a piece of radioactive blu- tac, or standing in a radioactive dog- turd, or being the guest of honour at a Fukushima bukake party. Probably.
Unfortunately, my script for ‘Te Adhesive Adventures of Dogshitman and Blutacboy’ is not attracting the buzz it so richly deserves, and,
according to IMDB, ‘Fukushima Bukake Meltdown’ is stuck in pre-production, so we have a Spiderman film. Because you can never have too many, can you. Now, I’m not bitter or anything, but I think it’s a sad indictment of the current studio system when Hollywood will make YET ANOTHER iteration of a film we’ve already seen four times, rather than investing in an original story about spunky crime- fighters.
Andrew Garfield plays Spidey this time. He fights his enemies, both internal and external, and stuff. Probably wins. Stan Lee has a great cameo where he rubs his pockets, gurns into the camera and says “ker-ching!” I don’t know. I haven’t seen it. I couldn’t be bothered.
If you liked the first several, you’ll like this one. Jay Freeman
SEPTEMBERFILM RELEASES
05 September Before I go to SleepTis mystery thriller stars Nicole Kidman as a married woman who loses her memory every night and has to start all over again in the morning. A bit like Memento meets 50 First Dates, but without the prison tattoos, and with Colin Firth instead of Adam Sandler. Tank fuck.
12 SeptemberTe BoxtrollsAnimated feature from the makers of Coralline and Paranorman. I personally love this style of retro-looking, faux-claymation. All nice and CGI, but with a more tangible feel. Plus, it's in 3D. Lovely stuff.
19 SeptemberI Origins Molecular biology romp, as a boffin and his hot lad assistant decide thesis love, get it on and are subsequently punished by God. Talk about an unforeseen variable! Toughtful sci-fi drama.
26 SeptemberMaps to the Stars Cronenberg is back in style with this slick, engaging look inside a Hollywood family as it's members strive to leave their mark on Tinseltown. Starring Julianne Moore, Robert Pattinson and Mia
Wasikowska.Smiley
SEPTEMBERDVD ROUNDUP
01 SeptemberA Touch of Cloth – Series 3Charlie Brooker’s brilliant cop-drama spoof examines the tropes and clichés of prime-time detective guff through an absurdist lens reminiscent of Zucker and Abrahams (Airplane!, Hot Shots etc.) to fantastic effect. Tere’s a simultaneous release of the previous instalments, both individually and as a box-set, if you need to catch up. And you should.
01 SeptemberBad Neighbours Stoner dad Seth Rogen vs. frat-boy bell-end Zac Efron in this surprisingly good slacker/stoner/parenthood/rivalry comedy from the writers of 40 Year Old Virgin. Won’t rattle any cages, but it’s totally worth your time.
15th September PompeiiYou know Latin, Jon Snow. Yep, mop-topped Game of Trones bastard Kip Harrington takes centre stage as Mr Lava Lava, battling a corrupt senate and a leaky Vesuvius to get his crumpet before it’s toasted. You volcano nothin’, Jon Snow, if you prefer.
22 September Fargo – Season 1Nope, not the Coen Brothers’ 1996 quirky, midwest noir masterpiece of cinema, but the Coen Brothers approved 2014 quirky, midwest noir masterpiece of TV which takes place in the same universe. Tere’s so much to enjoy here, but, if you want just one reason to watch it, Billy Bob Tornton’s icy hit-man is a chilling treat. Jay Freeman
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