Your lucky organs are the kidneys.
CANCERJun 21 - Jul 22 Before things were this way, they were that way. Prior to that they were another way, and, it is fair to say, before they were that way they were yet another way. In a time before this other way, things were of a way unlike the ways thus described. Te thing is, oh clingy Cancer, life’s only constant is change, and it’s nothing to be afraid of. Remember: one man’s stylishly hip retro pop-culture reference is another man’s twat in flares. Your lucky bird is Chaffinch.
AQUARIUSJan 20 - Feb 18 Are you making a mistake? Yes. Yes you are. Tat’s the great thing about being <young> / <old>: You get to <learn from> / <manage> your mistakes while they <don’t matter> / <still matter>. So <stubborn, young> / <clever, old> Aquarius, <enjoy> / <celebrate> your mistakes. Your <honesty> / <wisdom> will inspire, and no-one cares that you <fucked up> / <fucked up>. Keep making mistakes. Your lucky Led Zeppelin album is III.
PISCESFeb 19 - Mar 20 As mentioned in Libra, here are some ways to get in touch with good people that can ACTUALLY help you. If you’re OK (and, of course, you’re OK, oh, adaptable Pisces) then pass these onto someone who may have use for them: Samaritans: 08457 90 90 90. UEA Counselling Service: 01603
592651.NUA Student Support: 01603 610561.MIND:01603 432457.Your lucky abstract concept is luck.
LEO Jul 23 - Aug 22 Tere are some very good people in your world. Last month’s plenitude of kindnesses should have made this obvious, but, in case you missed it, you are loved indeed by good folks. Tis is a gift, and should never be taken for granted. However, it’s not your Birthday anymore, sunshine, so play that kindness forward and make someone else’s day this month. Your lucky cloud is Cumulonimbus.
ARIESMar 21 - Apr 19 We don't know what others really think of us. You’ll be meeting a lot of new people over the coming weeks so you’ll be eager to impress, but try not to worry too much about how others perceive you. Having said that, there’s a big difference between self-confident and self- absorbed, so make sure you don’t act like a top arsehole. You’re pretty cool, but you’re not David fucking Bowie, for fuck’s sake. Your lucky vegetable is peas.
VIRGO Aug 23 - Sep 22 'A problem shared is a problem halved.' So say the do-gooders. Oh, cold Virgo, I bet you hate those “do- gooders”. Always trying to halve (or, even, further divide) people’s problems by, y’know, doing “good”; listening to people; giving of themselves. What are they up to? Tis month, oh analytical Virgo, your homework is to join in on some of that awful good-doing and work out what those pricks see in it. Tey’ve probably got a voucher scam going. Keep a diary.Your lucky fabric is wool.
LIBRASep 23 - Oct 22 Is it all becoming 'too much'? Well, Libra, if it is, or if you know anyone for whom it might be, may I humbly recommend advice from a trained professional. We’ve lost too much beauty and talent recently for me to feel comfortable doling out hooky platitudes and knob gags to folks who might actually need guidance. I make this shit up as I go along, but there are people who can actually help you. See Pisces for some actual advice.Your lucky vitamin is B.
SCORPIOOct 23 - Nov 21 What's wrong with a little happiness? Well, nothing, obviously. Oh suspicious Scorpio, so why do you insist on ruining it every time? Is it because you think you
don’t deserve it? Believe that you are worth
happiness and it will come to you. I mean… you’ve got to put some work in, but the idea is that when happiness presents itself to you, you feel like you deserve it. Yeah? Cool. You do.Your lucky number is ‘Hey Big Spender’.
TAURUSApr 20 - May 20 “I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.” Kahlil Gibran wrote that because, basically, he’s hung out with total bell-ends all his life, was too languid to change his scene, and “I’ve learned how not to be a prick from some pricks” doesn’t sound poetic enough. Probably. Oh, lazy Taurus, be less like Kahlil Gibran.Your lucky cheese is Edam.
GEMINIMay 21 - Jun 22 Every moment in life brings a choice. In or out? Here or there? Single or double? Cash or credit? Raise or fold? Truth or dare? Your place or mine? Should I stay or should I go? Front or back? Cash or credit - again? Fight or flight? Oh, impulsive Gemini, make the most of your adaptability this month or get caught with your trousers halfway betwixt knee and ankle in a Soho alley. Figuratively speaking, of course.
10 / September 2014/
outlineonline.co.uk
SAGITTARIUSNov 22 - Dec 21 Don't push your luck. For far too long now you’ve been unemotional towards those around you, mainly because of your ridiculous need to be fiercely independent. Well stop right now. Oh, Sagittarius, there’s a word for people like you, well, there is now – unempendent. Tat’s you. Stop it. Your lucky smell is petrol.
CAPRICORNDec 22 - Jan20 Sometimes, we have to shout in order to make ourselves properly heard. Tere was another famous Capricorn who had to shout in order to make himself heard, wasn’t there. Praise Him. Tat’s right: Bowie. No, not Elvis. Bowie. He had to shout once probably. But then, once his androgynous warbling and hugely underrated guitar playing had been witnessed, he pretty much fucking bossed it from there on in. Be more like Bowie. Your lucky meat is veal.
BY DR E. MANN
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