6 • July 2014 • UPBEAT TIMES Hugging Santa Rosa


Kenwood, CA. ~ I am a lout and a clown—-at least that’s what my daughter Sara thinks whenever we are in public. So I’m on my best behavior when we’re together. I rein in my corny jokes, inquisitiveness, loud voice, and tendency to mispronounce words. She moved to Germany and I went on ten day visit. When I arrived, she took me to lunch. It seemed more like a bakery than a real restaurant, but I found out later that this was a typi- cal German eatery. You order these little sandwiches that are already made from a display case. There’s cheese, or cheese with ham, cheese with chicken,


cheese with turkey. That was it. I’m on a life long diet—bread and cheese are not what I eat, so I viewed these choices with dismay. The waitress didn’t speak English. I asked Sara to translate and see if I could have my sandwich on rye; no butter or mayonnaise. Sara looked at me sternly, “Mom, I don’t think they do it that way here. The sandwiches are already made.” “Oh, okay, but could you at least tell her not to put the tea bag in the pot. I can’t take tea that’s too strong.” “Mom, just ac- cept what’s given to you,” she whispered with an urgency that shut me up. I ate half the sandwich obsessed with the fact that Sara doesn’t have a scale in her house. The one thing I hate about traveling is the amount of weight I gain. After we ate, I looked for a bathroom. Sara pointed down- stairs. I climbed down these


By Jean Wong • http://lijeanwong.blogspot.com


steep narrow steps and went through a series of hallways. I looked at one door that said “Damen.” My mind registered “The Men.” so I pushed open the other door. It happened to be the fi re escape exit and a loud bell started ringing. Peo- ple started running down stairs. German sounds along with ges- ticulating fi ngers surrounded me. I returned to the table hardly able to look my daughter in the eye.


When I asked Sara if I could get a doggie bag for the rest of my sandwich, hissed


she “Mom,


they don’t do that here. You’re expected to eat the whole meal and no one says doggie bag—- even in America!” For the rest of the trip, I ate


what was given to me and tried my best not to make a spec- tacle of myself. If we went out to dinner, I still got frowns of disapproval from my daughter when I brought along some potato chips to nibble with my drink or tried to smuggle some food out in a plastic bag. But for the most part, I was quiet and reserved, blending into the stern Teutonic culture.


My ten days are up! I meet my husband at the airporter ter- minal by the Veteran’s Build- ing. I hug him, but I really want to hug the ground, the build- ings, the city of Santa Rosa. He rushes me off to Adel’s. No fancy stuff for me—I want no- nonsense, family style food. As I enter the restaurant, my


voice is deliberately several decibels louder than usual. But I have immunity. No one turns around and stares. There’s no grim disapproval.


A glass of chardonnay fl oats into my hand. It’s in an outra- geously large glass, a whole three quarters full. My little bag of peanuts from the plane shamelessly appears, and I munch away. I survey the cornucopia-like menu: Turkey Burgers, Cobb wrap, French dip, Popcorn chicken, Shrimp avocado salad, New York strip steak.


About Jean:


Jean Wong is an award winning author writing fi ction, memoir, poetry, and plays. Her work has been produced at Sixth Street Playhouse,


Petaluma Reader’s Theater and Off The Page. Her book, Sleeping with the Gods,” has recently been released.


Physical fi tness can neither be achieved by


wishful thinking nor outright purchase. Joseph Pilates


JOKES & Humor # 3


A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t fi nd one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”


The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”


Weird Facts & Fun Trivia - 3


You can have a permanent record of snowfl akes if you freeze a piece of glass and some hairspray before the next snowfall. (Both may be stored in the freezer until you need them.) When you’re ready to collect some snow-


fl akes, spray your chilled glass with the chilled hairspray and go outside and let some snowfl akes settle on the glass. When you have enough fl akes bring the glass indoors and al- low it to thaw at room tempera- ture for about 15 min. Now you have a permanent record of your snowfl akes!


(wait six months and try this!)


Astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin ate roasted turkey from foil packets at their fi rst meal on the moon.


Certain frogs can be frozen solid then thawed, and continue living.


For a Limited Time Only! July 8th thru July 28th.


Santa Rosa • 2875 Santa Rosa Ave. • 525-0569 www.lazboy.com/santarosa


6 • July 2014 • UPBEAT TIMES


7 Rooms - Open 7 Days a Week Same-Day and Walk-in! Appoint- ments Welcome! Visit us at Soft Shell for: Professional massage therapy, luxury facials, waxing, make-up application, bareMiner- als by Bare Escentuals, local and organic bath and body products, clinical skin care, bubble bath, aro- matherapy, essential oils, candles, incense, jewelry, scarves, Gift Cer- tifi cates, and more! Mention this ad and receive a FREE 2oz Bath Salt. Soft Shell 18 Kentucky St. Suite #10 Petaluma (707) 773-4950 www.softshellpetaluma.com


Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. ~Steven Wright


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