It's a strange feeling when you realize that someone is intimidated by you, when they don't even know you. And I'm not one for putting on airs, or talking down to people. I think it is because I'm up front with myself on stage and I save that up front-ness for that performance of my songs, when actually I am not like that all of the time, in fact I can be very quiet, I listen a lot more than talk. Here I am talking to you about myself, what an ego trip, here I am blethering away and i t's because you are a good listener.
On stage it is a kind of nervous energy I talk with, about myself, people , and family. Politics, anger etc. I don't like elitism or aloofness, not to confuse that with shyness or feeling unconfident and insecure. I want to be accessible, that's why I don't try to be famous or have ambitions to be famous. I couldn't handle it, being a prisoner. Fate is being kind to me, it doesn't want me to be famous too soon! Being recognized means people will pay you money to play. So publicity is necessary, there's a strong economic pressure. There was a time I would even dress boring or colorless most of the time, so I won't attract attention to myself because I am more interested in other people, not myself or creating some kind of impression or fashion statement. I am not interested in what is fashionable. manufactured or how trends are manipulated.
I have no fantasies or delusions of grandeur, about being famous,
Just give me the dosh, so I can go and record my friends and we can tour together. And I can pay them properly. I don't want to be a prisoner of fame like some I have seen. It wouldn't suit my personality, It's not shyness, but I like to be private and sane. Not like a Machine. I'm not trying to be impenetrable or enigmatic. What can you know about anybody really?
I am part of a process, interactive, jamming. I am still learning, I am Lazy, I'd sooner jam, I never practice my instruments. I'd often unconsciously tried to sabotage my own career if I thought it was going to go too well! I'd resist everything, be uncooperative, I was scared of making it big, I liked the idea but it frightened me, somehow I wanted my freedom more. Not the hype and stuff, I was suspicious of, that might go with
"being Big" Having to go
round singing my "Hit Song" all the time. Shit, no way! I wanted to be happy singing the songs I wanted to sing. So my reaction was say 'no' a lot, sign nothing! Find other employment for a while! Maybe I'm still trying "not to be a success. I am privileged to be doing something I enjoy, something I would do for nothing, and get paid for it.
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