What’s your point of view about online dating in general? Here’s what I think (biased of course, but):
If you are dating and NOT dating online, you are probably going to miss out on meeting Mr. Perfect (as we discussed earlier). But, don’t think online dating is an “easy” solution for meeting someone. If you are going to date online, whether it’s a site like myPart-
ner.com,
Match.com or
ManHunt.net, it takes work because it’s a numbers game. The more you put yourself out there, the better your odds are going to be. But as much as I think online dating is important, I fervently believe you have to generally “get involved.” Get involved online, get involved in sports, get involved in non-profits… whatever your passion is, if you are more involved in it, you will be more likely to find your Mr. Perfect!
Should you spend much time chatting online or set up a meeting right away? It’s different for everyone, but because on-
line dating is such a numbers game I would recommend chatting more online before committing to anything. It really depends on the site you are using too. A “casual dating site” like
ManHunt.net and Adam4Adam. com is going to focus more on instant grati- fication and things like someone’s endow- ment, whereas a “relationship-based site”
likemyPartner.com and
Chemsitry.com is going to focus on more “compatibility” areas as earlier referenced.
Sex is always the major focus online, any advice on how to screen? That’s a trick question. Screen for what? If you want to find a guy or girl who
isn’t just looking for sex, that’s when you apply the “chat online” more, meet later rule. If someone is responsive, interesting, asking questions and carrying on an online conversation without just sending naked photos, they’re prob- ably more sincere about finding more than just sex. Here’s what I’ve learned about gay men dating online—90 percent plus of gay men will find sex online—“while” they are in pursuit of Mr. Perfect. They aren’t, unfortunately for some, mutually exclusive. Meaning, men who are looking for love won’t only be looking for love online.
How do you determine sexual compatibility? We actually look at several areas of sexuality that range from general physi-
cal cues (i.e. body type, ethnicity, body hair, etc) to desired sexual roles (top, bottom, versatile, etcetera). We also look at the desired relationship style (single partner, multiple partners, etc.) and sexual activity and frequency preferences (monthly, weekly, daily, etcetera). But we also look at someone’s comfort level with their own sexual orientation and gender identity. All of these things play into individual sexuality, which can manifest in various ways
48 RAGE monthly | FEBRUARY 2012
with another person. Even though it’s a complicated and highly meticulous calculation that we
try to solve for our clients, oftentimes it comes down to simple chemistry felt between the two men and letting them navigate the waters on their own (without ever knowing the answers to the questions above).
Can you share one of your favorite dating stories—something that surprised you or something that changed the way you advise daters?
One of my favorite stories is about my only transgendered client (MTF). She
was a 60-something (older than my average client of 41) ivy-league professor, highly accomplished and recognized. I matched her with a 50-something bi-sexual blue-collar city employee, a very unlikely match and one in which both were wary to initially meet. I convinced them to meet because of x, y and z reasons of compatibility identifiers. A year or so later they were married and for all purposes, are living happily ever after. I tell this story for one reason; they came from completely different worlds, worlds in which they otherwise would never have met. Throw caution to the wind, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised with what you can find!
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