by jeffrey hartinger
app on iPhone that was popular among gay men—Grindr. I uploaded a picture, put a few lines that de-
PATIENCE: IS THERE AN APP FOR THAT? As I hail from Buffalo, New York—a liberal yet small rust belt city
on the east coast—my gay friends from high school and college are usually excited and curious to hear about my big city adventures in the love department. A few days after graduation from Canisius College, I moved out of my apartment, crammed as many boxes as I could into my car, and headed west for Los Angeles. For the first few months, I was interning for The Advocate during
the days, catering at night, and spending as much time as possible on the weekends roaming around Santa Monica and Venice or Hun- tington Beach. I tried my hand unsuccessfully at online dating while in college, and after my first few flings spawned from the West Hol- lywood bar scene didn’t quite work out, I decided to download an
“After sending what most likely is the longest
message ever sent on Grindr, he sent the following reply: ‘Dude, relax, I was talking about your glasses.
But, now that you mention it, maybe a few with the shirt off, too?’
I guess I wasn’t cut out for Grindr. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for gay dating.” 34 RAGE monthly | FEBRUARY 2012
scribed myself, and went to bed. I woke up the next morning and went about my day and forgot about the infamous app until I noticed a gay diva, sashaying his way around U.C.L.A. You go girl, I thought to myself and I clicked the little mask with the yellow background—an icon that still scares me to this day and was surprised to see that I had messages from over a dozen men. All but one guy requested nude photos of me, sent me a nude
picture of himself, asked for my dick size or did a combination of all three. I’m honestly not one to be shocked or jaded, but I didn’t real- ize that this was how the app worked and right off the bat, I was not impressed. Yes, I’m a guy. Yes, I enjoy sex. Yes, I like good looks and flat stom-
achs and all that jazz, but to me, the fun and excitement of dating is getting to know someone—on both physical and social levels. Not sending pictures, stats and other information, which makes me feel like I am trying to sell my unwanted sh*t on Craigslist. I clicked on the last guy again, as he seemed nice and indicated that he liked my profile information and picture, I started talking to him. After a few exchanges however, he was just like the rest... He asked
me, “Hey, would you mind sending me a picture with them off?” I was pissed. Being me, I decided to take my entire day of Grindr
stress out on a horny, yet seemingly innocent guy. After sending what most likely is the longest message ever sent on Grindr, he sent the following reply: “Dude, relax, I was talking about your glasses. But, now that you mention it, maybe a few with the shirt off, too?” I guess I wasn’t cut out for Grindr. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for gay dat- ing. I had a glass of wine—or six and got over my newest setback in “gay dating.” From this experience and in the months that followed, I learned
that Grindr is not the devil and that you can meet some pretty nice gay guys at bars by letting your guard down and keeping your op- tions open. As cliché as that sounds—it is the best way for anybody to navigate the ups and downs of modern dating with/without the overwhelming use of technology. While in San Francisco recently for work, I met an interesting,
smart, and attractive guy who was a doctor—and yes—on Grindr. We met up, went on a few dates, and had a great time together dur- ing my free time there. They often say that, “good guys finish last.” As a gay male with
realistic insight on modern dating, I’m confident about waiting for that other good guy to finish last with, because in the end it will be worth the wait.
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