askthetherapist Uplifting from
Q:
my practice is: how can human beings really change, if they do not tap into the original messages in the brain that created their reactions? It is all about programming. The good news is most behaviors are learned, and therefore can and must be unlearned.
A:
Dear Karen Kaye, Why do I react so childlike, when in fact, I am an adult? Thank You, Tracey
Dear Tracey, Your question relates directly to the focus of my work with clients for many years. The premise of
The “child self” is stuck in time and is an automatic re- flex to the “fight or flight” mechanism. The “child self” is im- pulsive, fearful, and can be manipulative. Its goal is to keep things the same and look for comfort. The real challenge is what is comfortable for a four year old should not be the same for a 40 year old. For instance, some people at any age cannot hear what others are saying because the instant they are confronted, they can only hear the messages inside their head. The result will be that their reactions do not match the external circumstances. Then if shame kicks in (based on their “inappropriate reaction”), the defense mechanism goes on automatic and shuts down all communication, creating a vicious cycle. This cycle can be self-destructive and will take its toll on relationships as well. In contrast, the “adult self” has many options as to how
it reacts and how it handles extremes. One example would be finding middle ground between happiness and sadness. The adult self is not a perfectionist. The adult self may find that it is being overly reactive, similar to the child self, but the difference is in the ability of the adult to step back and re-think its position at any moment. Once the adult self predominates one’s actions and reactions, the adult has the ability to monitor the child self. Tracey, you never want to get rid of the child self; it is a viable part of each individual, letting you know when some- thing does not feel right. You just do not want the child self taking over your life. The best news is that once a person gets fed up with their childish behavior and wants to change, the adult self can be learned at any time and at any age.
Thank you for your question. Sincerely, Karen Kaye L.M.H.C.
Karen Kaye is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in private practice for 27 years. If you would like to speak with her, call 954.384.1217. See ad page 59.
50 Broward County, Florida
FtL.NaturalAwakeningsMag.com
the “Child Self” to the “Adult Self”
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