UNDERCOVERCOACH
Armed with 20 years of research results I recently asked a group of 60 professional people to try and guess which of the above modes were most and least preferred by people working in the UK.
I had to double check their responses which showed that a clear majority believed that the COLLABORATE option was the most preferred and AVOID was the least preferred when the polar opposite was in fact true.
We may talk a good game but when push comes to shove many of us prefer to AVOID conflict situations. Cue embarrassed looks in the seminar room. Worse was to come when ACCOMMODATE came in second, both by a considerable margin.
Now COLLABORATE and COMPETE scored higher amongst managers in the room but still not as high as AVOID and ACCOMMODATE. Cue more embarrassed looks in the room. There will be more about this, and what to do to improve, in Part 3.
Part of achieving better performance is better understanding and preparation.
It has been observed that conflict in the workplace goes through four distinct phases. Here are the four phases with some tips on what might help slow down or eliminate conflict.
PHASE 1: FRUSTRATION AND
RESENTMENT BUILD UP ON BOTH SIDES OF THE CONFLICT
In Phase 1 if people’s expectations are not being met it can lead to increased frustration on both sides. If you are one of the people in the conflict situation then Phase 1 is a great place to nip it in the bud.
You can do this by paying close attention to the responses of other person. Listen particularly if you are making new demands of the person. Are they accepting reluctantly? If so ask the person what problems they will have with your request and what might stop them doing it for you on time. Seek to give the person the impression that you are on their side.
PHASE 4: Conflict is engaged and resolved
PHASE 2: BOTH SIDES TAKE UP THEIR
OWN POSITIONS
In Phase 2 lines are drawn in the conflict when people define the problem only in their own terms. Then, after a period of reflection, they take up a position which they will stick to rather rigidly.
Phase 2 could be your last opportunity to nip the conflict in the bud. Again if you are one of the people in the conflict you should re- double your efforts to demonstrate that you are on the other person’s side. Show empathy for any feelings they might express.
PHASE 3: COMMITMENT AND
‘STEREOTYPING’ GROW
In Phase 3, people’s commitment to their own cause has grown and will have been tested on others from whom they are seeking sympathy and support.
In Phase 3 both sides tend to reduce complex people and tricky situations to simple stereotypes. The other side is categorised as being ‘arrogant’ or ‘ignorant’ or ‘unreasonable’. The other side’s motives are only ever seen as impure and self-serving. Little or no attempt is made to look at the situation objectively.
Conflicts can often become permanent at this point. Research suggests that in the UK we would rather avoid conflict at work indefinitely than take any action to resolve it. The fear of failing in the conflict in front of supporters can persuade people to stay in ‘silent’ conflict with some people for ever; dreading the day that the other person does finally confront them.
Rather than live in fear it would be wiser to get a person, acceptable to both sides, to do some mediation. It would at least give the topic an airing and its (current) significance as an issue of conflict could be calibrated
If we make it to Phase 4 (many do not - preferring instead to stay in silent conflict) we can expect to participate in a debate that could be over quite quickly. In that debate people will deploy a range of conflict modes they hope will work for them.
The aggressive will COMPETE and be forceful, hoping to get people to accommodate, the meek may well accommodate or still try to avoid. Wiser heads will seek to COLLABORATE from the outset and may be required to COMPROMISE at some point in order to resolve the conflict.
The advice of the professionals is to deploy all five modes when appropriate. Yes, it can be appropriate to AVOID if you are caught out and you need time to think. It can even be appropriate to ACCOMMODATE sometimes so that you can respond to a negative reality like a recession. You can give way this time on condition that next time you get what you want.
If it is true that we do tend to avoid conflict then we may be doing some harm.
If we do not stick up for what we know to be right; if we do not challenge what we know to be unfair then not only might we diminished in the eyes of others as individuals but also as representatives of our department or our profession.
If however, we can stand up for ourselves once or twice we will send a signal to others that we are not the soft touch that people may think we are. People are interested in what we stand for but they also need to be clear on what we will not stand for.
In part three the UnderCoverCoach will consider how we can prepare ourselves for a conflict that we perhaps cannot avoid.
The UnderCoverCoach has been helping people in the UK to get better results for over 20 years. If you are facing a conflict situation and if you think it might help to speak to someone you can contact the Coach via
duncan@greenenergypublishing.co.uk
www.windenergynetwork.co.uk 15
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