UNDERCOVERCOACH Handling Conflict PART 2: WILL PREVENTION ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN CURE?
In Part 1 of this series the UnderCoverCoach explored how the uncomfortable experience of conflict in the workplace can bring positive outcomes with it. In Part 2 the Coach:
• looks more closely at how conflict develops and how we can nip it in the bud • outlines the 5 ways people deal with conflict situations and asks which of these you might prefer to use • defines the 4 separate phases of conflict at work • wonders if it might not be best to just let conflict happen sometimes
We explored in Part 1, how conflict at work can often be linked to people’s expectations not being met. For example people might get frustrated or fearful when they are not getting what they want - when they want it. The same can happen when they see others not pulling their weight in the work team.
I have, on a regular basis over the years, been able to test the way people working in the UK respond when faced with conflict at work. I am grateful to Kenneth
W.Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann whose ideas have helped us understand how we can handle conflict more effectively.
They identified five modes or ways of responding to conflict situations. The five modes are Compete, Collaborate, Compromise, Avoid and Accommodate. See my descriptions below.
‘COMPETE’MODE - ORWIN/LOSE During which you go all out to win the conflict knowing that you might lose everything.
How it’s done: You promote only your own cause and only your version of the other person’s cause. You feel that you know best. You threaten the other person directly or issue ultimatums to secure agreements (in the short term). Positive aspects: You stick up for yourself Negative aspects: You don’t let others stick up for themselves.
‘COLLABORATE’MODE - ORWIN/WIN During which you go all out for a win-win so that both sides achieve the outcomes they want
How it’s done: You promote the other person’s cause as enthusiastically as your own. You want best outcome and a positive relationship. You prefer to treat conflict as a problem to be solved by understanding all sides of the argument. Positive aspects: You stick up for yourself and let others do the same Negative aspects: Others (especially competers) can take advantage.
‘COMPROMISE’MODE - OR GIVE TO GET During which you acknowledge that a win- win might not be possible so you a show willingness to negotiate
How it’s done: You promote the idea of negotiating the best outcome. You prefer to demonstrate that regular negotiating is a valid way of dealing with differences. If you do not get what you want the first time, there is always next time Positive aspects: You let people negotiate as equals Negative aspects: Others (especially competers) can take advantage.
‘AVOID’MODE - OR STAY OUT During which you seek to avoid a conflict by not being available or by denying that there is a conflict
How it’s done: You promote the notion that there is no conflict. You prefer to build or preserve harmonious working relationships by never getting into conflict.or by never admitting that there is a conflict (even when there is) Positive aspects: You can delay the conflict until you are ready for it Negative aspects: Others can lose respect for this approach, and for you.
‘ACCOMMODATE’MODE - OR GIVE IN During which you seek to avoid a conflict by letting the other side win any conflict at work.
How it’s done: You deliberately or inadvertently give people the impression that you will offer no resistance in any conflict situation at work. Harmony at work is seen as being more important to you than getting your own way. Positive aspects: You can achieve harmony at work. Negative aspects: Others may think you do not really care about anything.
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