BIRTH -
a consequence spawned from not only feelings of passionate love, but also those (sometimes more considerable feelings) of senseless hatred. Two lovers can create birth as equally as a singular self-destructor. One naked stare at your reflection and angry destruction slowly transforms into in- spired creation; you may rebuild the paths you intend to follow. But which is more significant as a ‘birth’? A birth in the more technical sense of the word, or a person re-birthing (or recreating) themselves? When I was a young child, (and sometimes even now) my mother would re- cite to me the stories of my own first birth, of the blood and the screams and the terror and the beauty. She would proclaim it as magic and state it as my creation. But how can I, knowing myself so well now, say this is my true birth? Yes, it was when I first came into contact with what is appar- ently reality, but this birth did not turn me into myself; without growth, learning and experience, how can one become something special and unique? At our first birth we are almost too new, at our first birth we have no experiences to build from. We know only human instinct and the warmth of our mothers - two things which certainly do not define us as individuals. My first birth did not make me who I am today, a more destructive birth did. Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck once said, “The truth is that our finest mo- ments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” Our honesty is roused by our anxiety, our desire to create is roused by our dreams. Anger and stress leads to destruction, and in our minds we tear ourselves back down to unrefined, animal instinct. We loathe the features that make us unique, and we dream in an attempt to shed them. We enter places where we are the people we want to be and discover the beauty and yearning for such a reality. Inspired by these dreams, we are then free to create (artists to life’s blank canvas). We can find ways to turn ourselves into the people we dream of being - we plan our change into becoming new people; we rebirth. This kind of birth is a form of escape. In a fresh frame of mind we no longer feel the need to associate past problems with our ‘new’ selves. Of course we never do truly escape into our new selves and old tendencies continue to creep through - but our attempts shape us as individuals as we age and grow.
The entire concept of reinvention in itself is an illusion, an illusion we delude ourselves with – but it’s a fundamental part of being human, and gradually leads to acceptance of ourselves and happiness with life. So in it’s own considerable way, it can be considered to be the rawest and most significant form of the term ‘birth’.
KATIE ELEANOR /
katieeleanor.tumblr.com 40
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