A-LISTS community spotlight by jared cox
Valentine’s Day is a time which, for many, is a special day for ex-
pressing love and affection for a partner. However, not all couples experience blissful happiness. All couples have problems and at some point in a relationship, everyone feels some dissatisfaction with his or her arrangement. Most problems don’t lead to the end of a relationship, but if left unresolved, even the most seemingly minor problems may trigger the beginning of the end. Before you can face a relationship issue and attempt to resolve it, you have to be able to see it. Recognizing a problem can be more difficult than it seems. First, you may not be aware
that the symptoms (depression or sleeplessness, for example) are due to a specific rela- tionship problem. Second, your partner may not be letting you know (in a way that you can understand) that there is something wrong. He or she may be dropping indecipher- able hints. Finally, you and/or your partner may be suffering from denial—the inability or unwillingness to accept that there could possibly be something amiss. There are several resources available to help guide you and your partner through the
tough times. One such resource is counseling provided by The Center in Long Beach. The Center Long Beach offers assistance for people looking to enhance their relation- ships, improve healthy communication, decrease violence, address substance abuse, improve self-esteem and provide for a greater sense of safety and well-being in their lives. To that end, The Center created the Mental Health & Counseling Service Program in February 2009. One of the caring counselors who works through The Center is Gavett’ Burch. Gavett’ has been a marriage and family therapist intern there for two years. We sat down with Gavett’ for a Q&A recently to learn more about the services provided at The Center Long Beach. Please provide a general overview of the services provided at The Center Long Beach as well as
how fees are assessed. The Mental Health Counseling Services program at The Center in Long Beach is in its
second year. It is stable and growing, thanks to the love, commitment and creativity of our amazing Clinical Director, Amie Lowery-Luyties (who also has a private practice in Long Beach) and the Center’s POWERHOUSE Interim Executive Director, Phyllis Schmidt. We work on a sliding fee scale so that we are able to serve all of our community. Those interested in services can call our new intake line: 562.786.LGBT (or 5428).
What would you say is the biggest benefit is to couple’s therapy? The safe and supportive environment and the opportunities that it provides to learn,
to grow and to enhance communication skills that can help you gain greater insight and deeper understanding of yourself, your partner and of the relationship.
Many people view couple’s counseling sort of like a trip to the dentist. What would you tell these people to help them overcome their reservations? LOL! More like dental surgery with no anesthesia! No, seriously (sort of) I like to share the
(can’t recall the actual statistics) high rate of failure for couple’s counseling, but only to prove the point as to why it fails so often: most couples don’t get help until it’s already too late.
What percentage of couples stay together after adequate counseling? If they haven’t waited too long, and if they’re open to seeing why things aren’t
working...and both are ready to take personal responsibility for their respective parts in what’s going
on...it can be phenomenal. After all, who DOESN’T want a more deeply satisfying relationship with greater trust and
intimacy...and more individual happiness?
What kind of triggers should people be aware of that suggest they could use few counseling ses- sions? You don’t have room here for THAT list! The biggest issue I see that most frequently
drags couples in for counseling is poor communication. It’s like an umbrella under which almost all else falls. Even if you have the worst of problems, the WAY you commu- nicate is going to be the key to how quickly you get resolution without really damaging
Love on the Rock
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST GAVETT’ BURCH FROM THE CENTER LONG BEACH
Gavett’ Burch
each other or the relationship too badly. The basics: When I am getting started with a couple, I look for all the “bad words” that I believe pave the road to relationship hell: The “F” word—FAULT. The “B” word—BLAME. The “Y” word—YOU. The last one is probably the fastest relationship killer because it’s really just the “B” word in a cheap disguise. I try to teach couples to stay “solution focused,” as opposed to “problem dwelling” which is usually blame-oriented in nature. I believe that if you’re looking respectfully together at a problem and you can stay focused on finding the solution, your chances of a quick and safe resolution are going to be much greater. Then you can move past it and get on with more of THE GOOD STUFF for which you initiated the relationship in the first place.
For more information on counseling and other services available through The Center Long Beach, visit
centerlb.org. You can also contact Gavett’ Burch, M.A., the Marriage and Family Therapist Intern, The Cen- ter, Long Beach Mental Health Counseling Services: 2017 East Fourth Street, Long Beach, CA 90814—562.434.4455.
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RAGE monthly | FEBRUARY 2011
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