All issues are valid. If you find yourself judging the speaker, trying to put your spin on what they are saying, or finding yourself becoming defensive, reactive or emotional, you will create a barrier shutting the speak- er down resulting in silence and a missed opportunity to have a mature conversation. Whatever your partner is expressing comes from their reality, is valid for them, and is not about you. Most arguments would never happen if we could simply accept our partner’s point of view and agree to disagree at times. After hearing all they have to say, you may ask if they have a request – what they need from you. Try to avoid saying ‘no’ to their request. When it’s your turn to speak, in the spirit of negotia- tion, come back with a counter proposal or agree to accept their request and follow through. Take turns being the speaker, and remember only one person has the floor to speak at a time. If this seems very formal the first time


you try it, you may want to practice on simple subjects just to see how it works. Besides being a great way to express your feelings, you can also debate issues, or even just experiment with formulating new ideas as you are able to hear how they sound out loud. Often the most difficult issues of the day are dismissed because it’s too hard to find mutually agreeable solutions without getting into a heated argument. In a relationship people have countless needs and anytime a need is un- met, it becomes an issue. This format brings everything front and center allowing both parties to be heard and a win-win solu- tion to be negotiated. You don’t have to be ‘right,’ or even seek sameness or consensus with your partner. Just give each other the chance to express themselves authentically while the other actively listens. “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Sir Winston Churchill


Certified Master Relationship Coach Can- dace Brindley coaches singles and couples to find and create the relationships of their dreams. Motivated by her desire to reverse the trend toward relationship failure and family break-up, Candace coaches us- ing current research and skills, giving her clients a fresh and intelligent approach to partnering. She can be reached at 203 247- 4613 or http://www.Rich-Relationships. com. See Community Resource Guide listing page 33.


www.naturalnutmeg.com January 2011 25


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40