She Said
by Brooke Herron
Ah, the summer. After a ridiculously long and cold winter for
SWFL, it's finally time to throw on the much neglected bathing suit and head outdoors. It's summer. It's hot. The snowbirds have flown north and it's time to take back our beaches! Of course, we can't forget the most important part of summer: chicks, man. Single guys, listen up. According to my completely fabricated research, 9 out of 10
women agree that summer is the perfect time for a little romance. So how do you approach one of these agreeable women for said summer fling? Technically, it's pretty easy. Just talk to us…in a non-creepy way, please. Leering at our bikini while making sug- gestive comments generally will not work. And if it does, she's probably not someone you'll want to bring home to meet the fam. I've delved into my "getting hit on at the beach" data, and
here's what worked. According to my "research", there are four basic ways to attract women at the beach. They require props, but are generally no-fail:
1. GUITARS. Women are a sucker for a man with an instrument.
Can't play? Find a friend who can and bring him along. 2. DOGS. While most beaches don't allow pets, there are some dog-friendly areas. Bring your dog, and the women will come. Bring a
puppy and you might need a bodyguard! 3. BOATS / WAVERUNNERS. Ask us to come
along for a ride - most women can't refuse. 4. GAMES. Corn hole, horseshoes, and bocce ball are all games that require multiple players. Of course, you'll be a couple of players short. Ask some ladies nearby to join in. Think group games here… you probably won't get the same posi- tive response if you ask her to toss a football around with you. Go long! No props on hand? You may still have a chance if you take my advice.
1. Confidence. You MUST have this. 2. Sit in the right spot. Just like in Anchorman, "Sixty percent of the time, this works every time." Set up your beach chair near a woman you want to talk to. She WILL notice you eventually, and when she does, strike up a casual
conversation. 3. Food and drinks. Now I know technically alcoholic beverages aren't allowed on Naples beaches, but they can be good conversation starters as long as you don't end up in handcuffs! Leave glass bottles at home and bring extra ice and plastic cups.
If everyone is doing it… 4. Music. As in boom box. Turn yours on and ask the ladies on the next blanket if they have any requests. Finally, just talk to us. Most women are open to meeting new
people and won't shut down your advances without good cause. Take advantage of the casual, non threatening beach atmosphere! Attached men - did you read this whole article wondering,
"What about me?" Well, I have a tip for you too. Tell your girlfriend that she looks amazing in her new bikini (whether she does or not). Your work is already done. See you at the beach!
He Said
by Judson White
Unlike Brooke, my research is not fabricated. It began when
I was a baby and used as a prop by various male relatives to pick up women. I was a very handsome baby, and I'm not too shabby now. That said, I like to think I have a bit of experience in the "beach pick-up" department. When I read the She Said for this issue, all I really had to say is, "Ditto." Unfortunately, the Editor tells me that a one-word response does not, in fact, qualify as a rebuttal. So to elaborate… Snowbirds actually have their perks. And by perks, I mean
granddaughters. Beautiful young ladies who don't know anyone, and who want to know us - the local guys. I'm not single anymore, and so can't reveal all my tactics for fear of being caught with a wandering eye! Yes, honey, I love your new swimsuit (wink-wink). Don't knock leering and the type of woman who responds
The Beach? Who Knew...
to it. Sometimes those are the ladies we do want to bring home... eventually. No guy meets a woman on the beach with the intention of introducing them to mom and dad. That's just creepy from the beginning. I "picked up" my current girlfriend last summer, not expecting much more than a weekend of fun, and here we are today. I agree that confidence is a must and,
ironically enough, our "props" are often the very things that give us confidence. Sometimes men need something to hide behind when talking to women. At a bar we have drinks or a wingman; at the beach we need dogs, wave runners, or games. I prefer my boat, and made many a trip to the Nude Beach while in college. Yes, it really does exist! About the guitar, and having
friends who can play - it can work for us, or against us. If our friend with musical talent is also good looking, we'll be picking up table scraps while he dines on five star cuisine (read: female attention). Luckily, I happen to have a friend, who is, shall we say, Farley-ish (as in Chris Farley). While his guitar playing is impressive, he is a little
out of shape, and drips more with sweat than sex appeal. Games are always great pick-up tools at the beach. But, don't
be that guy who always HAS to win. Sometimes to win the girl, you have to lose the game. I've never been the type who hits the gym religiously, and have been guilty of treating my body more like a tent than a temple, but being in shape will definitely help out. Learn your strengths - physical and mental. If you're funny, use that. Most women will fall for a guy who makes them laugh, rather than some meat puppet with no personality. Since we're talking about picking up women, there is no way
I can safely discredit what she says. That is my final lesson for today. Men, take note. Listen to what she says, because she is probably right. Work on your strengths, maybe even work on your fitness, and figure out what works for you.
PULSE MAGAZINE ---------- 63
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