ASK LAURIE
Advice Column
PHOTOGRAPHYBY:
Robert Hayman
STYLING:Hair Design by AvantGarde
FASHION: Petunias
852 5th Ave South
Dear Laurie,
When we have dinner with friends, my husband talks about problems with clients and our decision to short-sell our home. It bothers me because I care about what other people might say about our financial situation. How can I stop caring about what others think?
- Can’t Keep up with the Jones’
Dear Can’t Keep up with the Jones’,
Whether we are at work or at home with family, we all can be plagued
by personalizing someone else's behavior, and this invites unnecessary stress into our lives. It happened to me recently while giving a workshop. I asked the attendees to close their eyes for a relaxing visualization tech- nique. One woman didn't close her eyes and was doodling on a piece of paper. I asked her, "Do you want to close your eyes?" Her response was, "I have to go to the bathroom." Upon returning, she gathered her things and mumbled, "I have to go, sorry," and out she went. My mind was play- ing ping-pong between "That was rude" and "Maybe she wasn't ready to close her eyes and do some inner work." I asked myself, "Why did I feel out of peace because of what someone else was doing?" Everyone has felt this way at some point in their lives from caring too
much about what Dad thinks about your career to your friend’s feelings about your relationship choices. Do you sometimes personalize the way your boss acts towards you? If your boyfriend is in a bad mood, do you think that he is pulling away or no longer finds you attractive? We create mini-scripts of why something occurred, not knowing if it's
even 100% true. We get upset, stressed out, and are definitely not living in full peace. Always remember that how we feel about our self is more important than how others feel, or how we think they feel, about us.
Observe Your Internal Dialogue:
1. Are you making an assumption that someone's behavior is because of you? What story are you now creating? Do you know if this story is true?
Are you willing to ask someone to clarify their intentions? 2. Can this person really take anything away from you? 3. How would you like to feel right now and what's stopping you? 4. If you think a person doesn't like you, ask yourself, "Do you like you”? Can you give yourself what you feel is missing from others - love,
appreciation, acceptance, respect? 5. How can you create a positive mini-script using the same scenario? 6. Read out loud: "I am choosing to release these negative feelings once
and for all - from every aspect of my being. I'm choosing to let go and not personalize or make assumptions. I'm choosing to be in my power!"
Laurie Martin is the author of Smile Across Your Heart, the host of Smile Across Your Heart radio show, and is a certified life coach, motivational speaker, workshop facilitator and yoga teacher.
To contact Laurie directly, please call (239) 398-5979 or email
LaurieM@SmileAcrossYourHeart.com
Access past radio shows online:
SmileAcrossYourHeart.com/blog/radio
Email Questions to
pulsenaples@gmail.com
PULSE MAGAZINE ---------- 62
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