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Staffroom confidential

Teachers' tips

Last issue Tess asked for tips to help pupils get over their exam nerves.

Distraction technique

The advice that got me through my own GCSEs is to get the pupils to spray some suntan lotion on their arms. If they start feeling the pressure, all they have to do is breathe it in and think of the summer holidays! Works a treat.

Amy, NQT, by text

No txtng

 Don’t engage in panicky pre-exam texting outside the exam room door!

Anne, Middlesex

Bit of TLC

On the day of the exam offer spare pens, pencils, a piece of fruit and a drink of water. Show them you have their best interests at heart and away they go!

Sara, by email

Use that energy

 Advise them that when you are sitting your exams you are going to feel nervous. This is normal!

Use that nervous energy to help – don’t let it panic you into writing too soon or rushing your answers.

Ian, Cardiff

Music therapy

 As a student, I find it helpful to listen to music right before walking into the exam hall. Helps me simmer down.

Charlie, by email

Sports coach pep talk

Pupils seem to find it reassuring to see you (even if they haven’t wanted to see you for the rest of the year!) just before they go into their exam. It’s an ideal opportunity to give them a pep talk, sports coach style.

Jane, by email

Next issue

 Any tips for responding to that age-old question from pupils: Are we doing something fun today?

Sara, by email

A funny thing happened... in the playground

A group of boys were standing in a circle looking at the ground. I walked over and the boys stood back to reveal an unconscious seagull. “We didn’t mean it,” one boy stumbled.

Playing football with a tennis ball, they’d kicked it in the air, struck a seagull and knocked it out! They were relieved when I said the odds against doing that must be as great as the odds against winning the lottery.

Mary, Chelmsford

A seven year old carrying my mug of coffee out to the playground to me said kindly: “Be careful, Miss. It’s so hot I can hardly bear me thumb in it.”

Dorothy, Middlesex

One male teacher heaved a hold-all into the staffroom. He had been at a fancy dress do and was returning the outfi t on the way home. He was persuaded to perform, which he did, as a convincing gorilla, walking through the playground. We watched from a window as he shambled through a group of ten to 12-year-old boys engrossed in football. Not one of them paused even to bat an eyelid!

Later, back in the classroom, one boy said to his teacher: “Sir, I thought I saw a gorilla in the playground.” A derisive laugh from his classmates. Not a word more was said.

Allen, Sheffield

I used to run the school football team. One Saturday we played away to the Good Shepherd Primary School. We won six-nil. The following Monday, as I was crossing the playground, I overheard two boys:

“Steve, how did you get on on Saturday?” “Oh, we murdered the Good Shepherd.”

Tony, Northampton

The children in reception put on their outdoor shoes for playtime. Outside, the identical twins had problems running about – one was wearing two left shoes, the other two right ones.

Wyllan, Sheffi eld

Next issue: A funny thing happened... at my job interview. Send your anecdotes by 4 June.

• See page 15 for The Teacher ‘School trip’ competition.