RUL E S fo r C ANOE I STS V I SUAL RULE #2


Always


THINGS A CANOEIST SHOULD NOT BE WORRYING ABOUT


The amount of deet in her bug dope.


Whether Smarties are better


than M&Ms. Whiplash.


Sand in the tent. Sitting or kneeling?


Scratching his paddle.


Scratching his canoe.


Knowing all the words to American Pie.


Bar chords. D, C and G should do.


Whether Oprah’s OWN network makes it.


Running out of new routes.


BEST CANOE GEAR OF ALL TIME


Sometimes


Never


CAMPING AND


PADDL ING


» Rule No. 131: Longer trips are always better.


» Rule No. 132: One-match fires are for poor planners.


» Rule No. 133: Easy access means lots of people.


» Rule No. 134: Sleeping bags are 30 percent less warm than they claim.


» Rule No. 135: 50 percent less warm if from Target.


» Rule No. 136: You probably won’t use your axe.


» Rule No. 137: Hating white rabbits only tarnishes your image in the eyes of the IDA (In Defense of Animals) members of your party.


» Rule No. 138: Squirrels make more noise than bears. So be more afraid of what you don’t hear.


» Rule No. 139: It is always worth the hike up.


» Rule No. 140: Beaver fever has nothing to do with a teenage pop idol.


» Rule No. 141: Ash gunwales make a plastic boat feel more authentic.


» Rule No. 142: But not as authentic as cedar and canvas.


» Rule No. 143: Tere isn’t always a better campsite around the next point.


» Rule No. 144: Abandoned cabins are full of mice.


» Rule No. 145: Your lawn will survive your absence. Don’t rush.


» Rule No. 146: So will your houseplants.


» Rule No. 147: And your plumbing.


» Rule No. 148: A pig rig is not what you think.


» Rule No. 149: Tri-keel canoes are more about


structural integrity than making you go in a straight line.


» Rule No. 150: You should tip your guide. 10 percent of the trip cost is fair.


» Rule No. 151: $20 after a week of wining and dining is an insult.


» Rule No. 152: Te more you spend the less you get— when weight is concerned anyway.


» Rule No. 153: Rock beats scissors. You get the wanigan.


» Rule No. 154: Portage trails are always 20 percent longer than marked.


» Rule No. 155: But feel like twice that in blackfly season.


» Rule No. 156: Kneepads are better glued into your boat than worn around your knees.


» Rule No. 157: Take the duct tape nametag off your helmet once the course is over.


» Rule No. 158: Subscribing to canoeing magazines is good karma.


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