presents the
NEW RULES for CANOEISTS
CANOEISTS HAVEN’T CHANGED ALL THAT MUCH OVER THE YEARS.
BUT THE GUIDELINES EVERY OPEN BOATER SHOULD KNOW HAVE EVOLVED. SO, SOME NEW RULES—FOR CANOEISTS.
BY CANOEROOTS STAFF » ILLUSTRATIONS BY LORENZO DEL BIANCO
COOK ING AND
EATING
» Rule No. 101: Always volunteer to cook the dirtiest meals. Because he who cooks doesn’t clean up.
» Rule No. 102: You can never pack too much chocolate.
» Rule No. 103: Or coffee.
» Rule No. 104: Chicken on day five is never a good idea.
» Rule No. 105: You will probably never burn diesel
V I SUAL RULE #1
fuel, gasoline or kerosene in your camp stove.
» Rule No. 106: If you do, your food will taste like diesel fuel, gasoline or kerosene.
» Rule No. 107: Waiting for an angler is worth it at dinnertime.
» Rule No. 108: Granola bars are not a meal substitute.
» Rule No. 109: It’s okay to
giggle when someone pulls out a Dutch oven.
» Rule No. 110: Te double whammy—drinking alcohol while eating burnt marshmallows increases your risk of cancer.
» Rule No. 111: Potluck means you need to bring food, too.
» Rule No. 112: Eat heavy food first.
DEEP THOUGHTS FOR MODERN CANOEISTS
The difference between a bent shaft paddle
and a straight paddle is that one is bent.
Why do canoes have
tractor seats, but tractors don’t have canoe seats?
It is better to paddle solo and sleep tandem.
Who measures portages? Is there some guy
with a wheel walking them and writing it
down on a clipboard? Life is a tide; float on it.
Always 34 SUMMER/FALL 2011
Sometimes
Never
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