Views > copywriting Oh, what we’ve done to By Herschell Gordon Lewis S “free”
kimming through a magazine aimed at folks like us—and it wasn’t this magazine, thankfully—I chuckled at this snippet of advice dished out by a self-appointed creative authority: “Emphasise free extras.
These can be the difference between attracting a response to any product offer and being ignored.” Yeah, right. We certainly need an expert to
deliver that revelation. But even a glance at it generated this reaction: If a “free” offer is tied to an offer that isn’t free, and if to take advantage of the free offer a prospective buyer has to include the product offer—certainly a logical enough marketing ploy if the wording isn’t duplicitous—is the extra really “free”?
Free… if you… I’ll cut to the core and call these proposals
what they are: phony. Even as we may admire the creative team that has constructed a clever masque, semiconverting the casual skimmer into an actual reader, we add one more drop to the sour taste from such offers, augmenting our overall scepticism toward the once-powerful word Free. Here’s a typical candidate for our online Delete file: “What’s your favourite [NAME OF RESTAURANT] sandwich? Let us know and get one FREE!” So we pick one, from a handful of choices. (Chicken wasn’t on the list, so I chose Turkey Breast.) Click. No surprise: The click brings up the usual demand for the voter’s online address—in this case, verification because the IT gang set up the site to grab the address from the click—plus all this: “By entering your email and continuing, you certify that you are over the age of 18 and that you agree to the Privacy Policy, Redemption Instructions and Gift Rules and Terms & Conditions. You agree to receive promotional emails and special offers from trusted 3rd parties.” Plus this, in mice-type: “Powered by SandwichSurveys. com.
SandwichSurveys.com is an independent rewards programme and not associated with any of the above listed merchants or brands. The above listed merchants or brands in no way endorse or sponsor
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SandwichSurveys.com’s offer and are not liable for any alleged or actual claims related to this offer. The above listed trademarks and service marks are the marks of their respective owners.
SandwichSurveys.com is solely responsible for all Gift fulfilment. In order to receive your gift you must: (1) Meet the eligibility requirements (2) complete the rewards bonus survey (3) complete a total of 5 Sponsor Offers as stated in the Gift Rules (4) not cancel your participation in more than a total of 2 Sponsor Offers within 30 days of any Sponsor Offer Sign-Up Date as outlined in the Gift Rules (the Cancellation Limit) and (5) follow the redemption instructions.” Whew, out of breath. The next click
demands personal information, including home phone and cell phone, and casually warns that the “Marketing Partners” may phone. Oh, and also, I have to take advantage of various offers, one of which—a US$100 Walmart gift voucher—is mine just for signing up. And penetrating to one more screen explains that I
get the voucher for US$4.95, plus US$99 for an annual membership. My $100 comes to me at US$10 per month, if in that month I spend at least $100 at Walmart. Clever, huh? Meeting the “eligibility
requirements” and paying US$4.95 plus $99, a total of $103.95, for a $100 voucher loaded with conditions sweeps away most people’s implicit distrust of online offers, doesn’t it?
While I have
your attention… I should mention other gems—rhinestones— dished out by the creative authority in that magazine. Just a couple: “Add your latest catalogue cover next to the ‘Free Catalogue’ message on your website.” “Send emails highlighting new catalogue product groupings.” “Add tips, recipes, reviews, did-you-knows and how-tos to your site. They add credibility and increase organic search results and time spent on your site.” And this nugget: “Copy is basically the same
for catalogue and the web, but it needs to be structured differently for each channel.” Oh, I get it! It’s the same but it’s different. Brilliant! Now, aren’t you glad you’re reading this magazine instead of that one?
Herschell Gordon Lewis is President of Lewis Enterprises. He writes copy for and consults with direct response and catalogue companies worldwide. He is the author of 32 books including the recently-published Internet Marketing Tips, Tricks, and Tactics. Other current books are Catalog Copy That Sizzles, Open Me Now, Asinine Advertising, Marketing Mayhem. The fourth edition of his classic On the Art of
Writing Copy is scheduled for publication this autumn.
Direct Commerce Catalogue e-business
www.catalog-biz.com
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