Our emotional quotient (EQ) is based on how honest we are about how we feel and what we think about ourselves and others, so says Michélle MacKenzie


I


‘I’m not aggressive; I just tell it how it is!’ June Robertson is a manager in a medium


sized manufacturing company in Gauteng. She is committed to the company, extremely conscientious and industrious. Her efficiency and technical expertise led to a management position promotion. The productivity of June’s team has


remained quite consistent, but they would be very unlikely to go the extra mile for her. There are times when she forgets some of their names, and she has little patience with excuses if work is not completed according to her high standards. If she doesn’t like something, she says so,


and prides herself in being a straight talker. June’s PA watches her as she enters the reception in the morning, as her mood will set the tone for the department that day. More staff leave jobs because they cannot get on with their colleagues or managers, than over salary disputes. Companies are realising that emotional intelligence is as important as IQ when interviewing prospective staff. So how can we learn to develop really


effective interpersonal skills and increase our EQ in the process?


Interpersonal skills are your most


important asset Let’s be honest, staff with good interpersonal skills are easy to be around and great to work with. They connect with other people effortlessly, they seem to know the right things to say and they make communication in general an easy process. They know that the more comfortable we are with ourselves, the more comfortable others will be when they are with us.


Our emotional quotient (EQ) is based


on how honest we are about how we feel and what we think about ourselves and others. When we learn to recognise our negative attitudes or perceptions we are able to anticipate, understand and control our reactions in conflict situations.


Self-management is the foundation for better work relations ‘What you don’t recognise, you can’t manage…’ write Steven Stein and Howard Book in The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and your success, Kogan Page, UK, 2001. They recommend that when we are faced with office conflict, we should ask ourselves three questions:


1 What am I doing?. 2 Why am I behaving like this?


3 How are my words and actions affecting the people around me?


. .


Take a deep breath, and try to identify


what you are feeling and thinking. Don’t let others control how you feel about yourself, nor give them the power to dictate whether you have a good or bad day. You may not be able to control their


behaviour, but you can control your reactions to them. By closing your mouth and encouraging the other person to speak first, you give yourself a chance to gain your composure and gather your thoughts, but you are also demonstrating that you recognise the rights of the other person in the disagreement. Listen carefully and actively to what


they have to say, with your body and mind. Maintain eye contact and nod occasionally, but do not interrupt, nor try to formulate a defence or retort. Simply listen out for two things:


• Words describing how they feel


• Words used to describe what they want


If you are unable to pinpoint these


answers, then ask the following types of questions in order to seek clarity, and to show that you are listening:


• How did you feel when…? • What do you think about…?


• What did you wish would happen when…?


Be direct, but polite The 4 key skills are:


1 Paraphrase your understanding .


of the other person’s perspective. When you show respect for their needs and point of view, you prepare the ground to defend your beliefs and cause.


2 Choose your words carefully as .


you state your position. Focus on using phrases like, ‘I feel…’, rather than, ‘You always…’, as they are far more constructive, and less likely to provoke an emotive retort.


3 Do not beat about the bush. –


be firm and direct to ensure that your message and stand point is understood. Speak in a lower pitch, a little more slowly than usual and even if the other person flies off the handle, stand your ground and remain calm. Never use foul language, no matter how frustrated you are.


4 Concentrate on findng a. solution or a compromise that everyone can live with.


Listen


objectively for any truth in criticism directed at you. This may include admitting your mistakes, or choosing to ignore unfair or subjective attacks. Being straightforward, yet courteous, is the difference between being assertive and retaining your poise, instead of being tactless and aggressive. This will ensure that you keep communication channels open, even with people you don’t like. When you utilise your emotional intelligence in your dealings with business associates you will be able to build a strong network of cooperative, mutually beneficial relationships. You will be able to get along with people of all kinds, making you a valuable company asset. Michélle MacKenzie is a training consultant for Options in Training. Contact her at (011) 887-8885 or michelle@optionsit.co.za


careersuccess • issue 2 13


Special Feature


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