I bought an egg from a French farmer today.

It was a little oeuf

Jenni Kinouchi, Mold, Flintshire

› A man finds a woman sobbing in

the street because she’s locked her keys

in her car. “Don’t worry,” he says, removes his

trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically, it opens. “How did you do that?” asks the

grateful woman. “They’re my khakis.”

Terry Sangster, Bebington, Merseyside

› An airline introduced a half-price

fare for women accompanying their

husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the airline wrote

Sleepy logic

I have a hard time waking up in the morning. I feel like when I go

to bed a different human being enters my body for the night shift. I call him Sleepy Carl. He’s a terrible employee, but he’s a great dude. He’s always slobbering on my pillow and muttering to himself. Then he’ll try and talk me out of waking up with his great plans. He’ll be like, “Why would you go out there, when you can stay here and ride on a Ferris wheel made out of pizza?”

Comedian Mike Birbiglia. His live DVD What I Should

Have Said Was Nothing is released on May 3

(Pias Comedy)

My motto is “Never say never”. Which

to all of the wives who’d used the special rate, asking them if they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”

Sahil Javer, Nairobi, Kenya

› I went to the doctor. He said, “You

ought to eat more carrots.”

I said, “Why?” He said, “Because my brother owns the

grocer’s down the road.”

Melvyn Dover, Weymouth, Dorset

› My sister has asthma. In the middle

of an attack, she got an obscene phone

call. The bloke said, “Did I call you or did you call me?” Comedian John Mendoza

› Every supermarket you go into now

has a self-service checkout with a member

of staff helping people use it.

from the internet

makes it difficult to tell people my motto

Steve McKenna, Real Radio Scotland Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24