36 BROKERS’ MONTHLY
by Andrew Newman
ever throw away (sorry, it’s wonder if all that plush, dark oak
from the past, Albert Mews. A short
N
recycle now, isn’t it?) a panelling is still there?
piece of bogus dictation featuring
newspaper that contains an
Elliot Lane, Sandy Lane, Peter
unfinished crossword puzzle. That’s eeting people like
Close, Frank Cut, and that fictitious
a general rule in the Newman
police officer Letsby Avenue quickly
household, and explains why I
M
Commander St John was
all part of the naïve
put an end to this nonsense.
recently found myself enthralled by wonder of moving straight from
a month-old obituary recalling the school into a job in the City. We
f course, June 2009 sees
derring-do exploits of the WWII knew nothing of his wartime
submariner Captain Michael St exploits of course, but the main
O
the culmination of what
must be the most heavily
John after a rummage in the learning curve involved the
hyped name change ever for any UK
newsprint backlog lurking behind “Cholmondeley moment” – why
insurance company – certainly the
the sofa. was everyone calling him “Mr
most expensive.
It was scary stuff, involving Sinje‘en?”
The name change game has
touch and go Bond-esque SAS drop We insurance clerk fodder had
never been the same since the word
offs and pick-ups on enemy held to learn this peculiarity of English
‘brand’ became interchangeable
beaches in the dark. One of his culture whereby the pronunciation
with ‘name’ or ‘title. But one thing
exploits was even adopted for the of some surnames bore no
that hasn’t changed is the distance
1953 film They Who Dare, starring relationship to the way they were
management teams like to put
Dirk Bogarde as a commando and spelt. This lesson often came with a
between themselves and the
Harold Siddons, who played St sniffy rebuke from the person
inevitable flak that choice of name
John. Later in the war he fired a concerned, usually a policyholder.
always draws. Risk transfer to a
full salvo of torpedoes at long range And so we gradually learned that
high profile PR consultancy is the
at the German battleship Scheer. If De’ath was not Death; Sidebottom
answer – the more expensive, so the
even one had hit the target, St John was sometimes Siddy Both’arm,
more validity that can be attached
would have become a household Onions was often O’Nians and of
to their choice. Pay them their pot
name. course Bastard had to be voiced as
of gold and sleep soundly at night.
Michael St John died on 23 Bass Starred (as in sea bass).
Even in the days when choosing a
January 2009, aged 93. The Strangely enough, I never crossed
new name was often an in-house
sentence in the obituary that caught paths with any Bucket posing as a
project, it was not unknown for the
my eye however was that St John Bouquet.
buck to be passed onto the
(then a Commander) left the navy
chairman’s wife to make the final
in 1955 to join National hile on the subject of
decision.
Employment [sic] Mutual. I recalled
there was indeed a St John at the
W
names, the Newman
secretarial help was
he fashion in choice of name
good old NEM, who later became recently pleased to discover one of
personnel manager during the those hidden facilities that lurk on
T
has also changed over the
years. Today’s names may be
1960s. Could it be the same man? every PC. It seems she inadvertently
fanciful – even ephemeral – but
Enquiries discovered it was pressed the “smart tag options”
then in an age of consolidation how
indeed. Commander St John may button so that as she passed the
long is a name going to have to
not have been willing to take a desk cursor over the words “Bury Street”
last?
job at the Admiralty, but was mentioned above, the PC suddenly
In the days when the insurance
obviously happy to swop it for one offered a map.
industry’s infatuation with the
in Bury Street, EC3 – the building Quite tickled at this discovery,
Royal Navy spawned a whole fleet
still there, thanks to its listed status. I regret to say her enthusiasm drew
of names from Ajax to Zenith the
And what a desk it was. They didn’t little support from this side of the
choice was a lot easier. As long as
call the management floor at NEM office, with the incident jogging the
you avoided HMS Spiteful and
House “Snob’s Alley” for nothing. I memory of another NEM name
HMS Vindictive, of course. IBM
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