Four Corner ride.) I was a reluctant “K” bike rider, shang-
haied into buying my first bike by friends who made me drink the Kool-Aid. Equipped with a Sprint fairing, I thought this bike so peculiar-looking that I attrib- uted it to giving me constipation. (That ended the first time I went full throttle around a line of 12 trucks on the Pennsylva- nia Turnpike.) I became a “K” konvert. I read everything I could about “K” bikes. I learned that “K” bikes are a natural substi- tute for
Viagra...That they prevent bald- ness... And that “K” bike riders have won more huge lotteries than any other category of riders. I started to hang around with the other “K” bike riders in the Mac-Pac (my local BMW MOA chartered club). In fact, I rode with both of them. It was then that I began to experience the
“R” bike bias. “R” bike riders are infatuated with mileage. An average day’s ride for these guys is New York to Yellowknife, at the end of which they will all be photo- graphed with their odometers. They camp in malarial swamps and lick the condensa- tion off their seats to stay alive. They are unimpressed with my stories of riding at 12,000 miles per hour and the challenges of ordering room service at 1 a.m. in five-star hotels. And while they never question me outright, they are constantly rolling their eyes. “R” bike bias is now on the table. It is not
even thinly disguised anymore. At a recent Mac-Pac breakfast, Peter F., a highly respected veterinarian and authority on hamsters, rolled in on a newly acquired “K1.” This flamboyantly painted machine was in mint condition, sporting the cus- tomary shrouded wheels and the unique lines of a dated racer. Obviously proud and thrilled with his new acquisition, Peter asked, “What kind of gear would
complement my new bike? Should I wear ballistic or leather?” The response from the “R” crowd was
that he should invest in polka dot pants, big floppy shoes, and little red rubber nose. Even I thought that was a bit obvious, though I disguised my pain for this man by covering my face with a napkin. I have had enough. I have declared a new
“Secret K Bike Club,” complete with a secret sign, secret rules, and a secret tee shirt. You can ask any “K” bike rider who was in the beer tent at Das Rally where I laid out the concept for details. (They are pledged not to say anything.) Our manifesto is simple: We demand equal exposure. When was the last time you saw a “K” bike on the cover of this magazine? When was the last time a “K” bike was offered for raffle? When was the last time you read about a “K” bike adventure, in which faltering hotel air con- ditioning or slow WiFi nearly claimed a life? That has to change. Who is with me? Ride a “K” bike and want “in?” Want a tee shirt? Let me know.
Jack Riepe is still working out deals with sur- geons and publishers. He plans to resume walking in the fall and riding in 2017. The “Doucheville” revision of Conversations With A Motorcycle is progressing nicely, and now offers a map of rides mentioned in the book. Chapters regarding the history of New Jersey douches are followed by personal notes from the author and “Frequently Asked Questions” by readers. To reserve your auto- graphed book, email your name and address to
jack.riepe@gmail.com. Please put “book reservation” in the subject line.
August 2016 BMW OWNERS NEWS
117
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