where the family wealth came from. For example, how, how much, who’s side, how long ago it was created, and what has happened since then. This is a fantastic opportunity to tell the family story, as well as your story, and we all love a good story. This creates further lines of enquiry from your child. A six-year-old recently asked a particularly cute follow-up question: ‘Did great, great, great grandpa have an iPad?’.
WHAT ARE THE MAIN POINTS TO COMMUNICATE? EL: Be careful of expecting more from your children than you expect of yourself, adopting a ‘cookie cutter’ approach by treating your children the same or comparing them—factor in individual differences. Be wary of having anyone ‘drinking
to have everyone do ‘their’ role so
it is clarifying, not confusing. Parents should make some time to
individually reflect on the strengths of their child ahead of any conversations, as well as anything they believe could be ‘worked on’. Parents can then discuss their hopes, desires, thoughts and fears for this process first with each other, then with other carers, family and advisers. This creates an individual plan for their child that meets their wishes as well as any practical considerations from the wider family. Everyone that could be involved needs to be aware of what, when, where, why and how the parents would like the conversations to occur and their specific role and responsibilities in that.
WHAT TOPICS SHOULD YOU START WITH? HOW DO THESE CHANGE AS THE CHILDREN AGE? EL: We often talk about going ‘backwards’ to go forwards. Regardless of your children’s age, the most sensible starting point is what is wealth and understanding
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from a firehose’—a little, layered approach often with an opportunity to think, reflect, discover and practice is preferable to a ‘drenching’. Be careful about doing all the
talking—sometimes we get nervous and fill all gaps with words so no questions can be asked. Information isn’t easily or readily digested in these circumstances.
When appropriate, discuss the
detail, quantum and mechanics of the wealth so there is no misunderstanding as to what you mean.
ARE THERE ANY GOLDEN RULES ABOUT BROACHING THE SUBJECT? EL: When talking to children about wealth we believe the ‘how’ is just as important as the ‘what’. Start simple and small—you can always add more information and detail. Layer the conversations, ideally over
a lifetime. It’s an ongoing dialogue, not a ‘dump’, which changes with the ages, stages and seasons. Be clear about what they can or
can’t share and with who and why. Be careful not to give your children a ‘reason not to believe you’—often this isn’t intentional, sometimes as parents we just get asked a question we didn’t see coming or the question is poorly timed from our perspective so we say something to get out of the ‘moment’. Ensure you provide a balanced
perspective. It isn’t all doom and gloom or burdensome with wealth, but it isn’t roses and rainbows all day long either, as we all have the same human condition.
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