Ten Ways … to avoid
misunderstandings By Robert Ashton
We’re selling a converted barn in Norfolk that has been our family home for more than 25 years. We bought it when it was an abandoned farm building, faced all the usual challenges you see on Grand Designs, ran out of money twice and nearly went to court to settle a dispute with the builder. But it was a happy home where we raised two children and started a few businesses, so it is something of a wrench to see it go. Work has started on our new home, another barn, this time on the
Suffolk coast where we both grew up. Our past experience is helping us avoid the pitfalls that, if ignored, could cause so much anxiety, and so this project is running much more smoothly. Selling our old home has not run so smoothly, and on the day we expected to exchange contracts, our buyer’s solicitor told our solicitor that he wanted to delay things for another six weeks. This caused me several sleepless nights, until our buyer phoned
me himself to explain things. His solicitor was (as they often are) being overly cautious and by the time you read this, the money from our sale should be safely in my bank. But this episode made me think about how important it is to avoid misunderstanding. Here then are ten ways I think we can all avoid misunderstanding:
1. Write it down – I learned early in my career as a salesman that if you did not confirm what you’d just agreed in writing, your customer might recall things differently. I’d be sure I’d quoted ex works, and the customer would conveniently ‘remember’ that I’d quoted a delivered price! I soon learned to confirm things in writing.
2. Never assume – whenever I’m negotiating a deal, I make sure I do my research and know the facts. But others are not always so diligent and it’s fatal to assume that what is obvious to you has even been considered by those you’re negotiating with. State the obvious and you will avoid surprises!
3. Don’t rely on others – the house buying protocol is that all pre- contract communication is via the buyer’s and seller’s solicitors. The innately cautious nature of legal communication, coupled with the anxiety we all experience when moving house, can create bucket-loads of needless stress. Better to speak directly and honestly to all involved.
4. Be specific, not vague – little in life is black and white, and many prefer to gloss over things they think you’d rather not be aware of. Sometimes ambiguity is important, for example when talking with an undertaker, because you really don’t want to know what happened to Aunt Freda before the hospital released her body, but for the most part in business, and day to day life, ambiguity is best avoided.
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5. Ask good questions – I built my career on my ability to ask the questions others prefer not to voice. If you don’t understand something, and think others do, you will look more foolish if you pretend you know, than if you ask for clarification. Never stop asking questions.
6. Listen to your inner voice – often, life takes you down a path that with hindsight, you’d have been better to avoid. We’ve just accepted a quote for a handmade kitchen for our new home, but for our own peace of mind, will get a comparative quote from a well-respected builders’ merchant. We’ll probably stick with the supplier we’ve already chosen, but will be happier knowing how much more this is costing than the alternative.
7. Know your goal – as we go through life, our ambitions change, often tempered by experience. The realisation that you will never be a rock star or managing director of a large corporation can be hard to swallow, but unless your goals are realistic, you will both fool yourself and be misunderstood.
8. Believe what you are saying – door to door salespeople are adept at saying what they think you want to hear, so they can secure a sale, knowing they will never see you again. Unless you are a door to door salesperson, which I very much doubt, you need to truly believe in what you are doing, and why.
9. Listen to what others are really saying – my wife jokes that I have selective hearing, and she maybe has a point, but in our business lives, we cannot afford to miss what someone is saying to us. Remember too that we don’t only speak with our mouths; much of what we say is non-verbal, so be aware of people’s body-language. Are they comfortable with what they are telling you, or that you are telling them?
10.Don’t be bribed into overriding your instinct – I’m currently reading Spark of Life an excellent book by Erich Maria Remarque, who also wrote All Clear on the Western Front. In one scene, a bombed railway line causes the Germans to take people off a train en-route to Auschwitz while the line is repaired. Knowing what awaits them at their destination, they refuse to re-board when the line has been repaired, until bribed with food. Don’t let anyone distract you from their real goal!
Let me finish by adding another dimension to our conversation
about misunderstanding. I’m impatient and things never happen quickly enough for me. I’ve probably read the electricity and gas meters at our old home five times, anticipating an imminent completion of its sale. Each has involved a round trip of some 90 miles, although I’ve usually found another reason to return to the area. I know that my wish to see things concluded quickly can stop me from hearing things that with hindsight were warnings I should have heeded. Every project, be it at work or at home, develops its own
momentum, and to push things along faster than they want to go, almost always leads to misunderstanding. I, and I hope you, have learned to sometimes go with the flow and not push too hard.
Comment section is sponsored by Compound Feed Engineering Ltd
www.cfegroup.com
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