WOMEN IN POLICING


AWARD-WINNER LIFTS LID ON DOMESTIC ABUSE


Chief Inspector Sharon Baker, who won this year’s Police Federation Outstanding Contribution to Women in Policing Award sponsored by No1 Copperpot, is a survivor of domestic abuse who is using her experience to help others. The Avon and Somerset ofcer shares her story here.


D


omestic abuse and controlling, coercive behaviour is the invisible harm that is all around us. It can


happen to anyone, no matter your age, your gender, your job, or even your rank. Silence is its ally, making it stronger


and harder to get away from its grip. How can I be so certain? Because I


was a victim. I’m sure you’re wondering, why did


I put up with it? Well, abuse is clever. It creeps up on you. And it hides behind many faces. To start with, I felt utterly loved and


lucky I’d met him. I was simply bowled over by affection and, if I’m honest, I was grateful for him looking after me. When he bought me nice clothes to


wear, I blocked out the comments that what I had been wearing was ugly. He was doing this for me after all. He loved me. Coming home late after daring to


go to the gym after work, I was met with awful silences, and the withdrawal of affection. After a time, it was pointed out how I was being selfish and that, if I loved him, I wouldn’t choose to spend time away from him.


Guilt was weaponised against me


until finally I stopped doing all the things I loved. My friends were no good for me either.


One by one, their flaws were pointed out. How they were taking advantage of me, how he had heard them say derogatory comments about me, and that I couldn’t see it because I was too nice. It left me confused and feeling vulnerable. Why couldn’t I see how my friends were being so awful to me? I kept making mistakes that made him


angry - running out of wine, leaving the wrong door open, being late home from a shift or not answering the phone when he rang. I was terrified of him seeing me speak


to a male colleague. I would get an awful sense of dread on the way home. What would I come home to, Jekyll or Hyde?


20 I POLICE I AUGUST 2021


Chief Inspector Sharon Baker is congratulated by Avon and Somerset Police Federation Chair Iain Prideaux


Of course, it wasn’t every day. There


were good days and weeks when I relaxed and thought it was all in my head and I was just imagining it all. I was living my life on a rollercoaster, blindfolded, never knowing what to expect. I was left questioning myself and in an almost constant state of emotional turmoil. Domestic abuse erodes any belief


you have in yourself and it slowly isolates you, until one day you look around and realise you are all alone. I had become paralysed with fear. I knew I couldn’t go on like this, but I was too frightened to tell anyone. After all, I was the happy, strong acting inspector at work. And I didn’t want anyone to see me in a different light. The feeling of shame and embarrassment was just so overwhelming. The decision to end the relationship


came at the lowest point. When the words became the threats and more. I don’t remember what I said when I called 999, I was probably just a sobbing mess. I was reassured by the gentle and kind words of the call handler. I was grateful for the professionalism and confidentiality of the officers. And I was treated with dignity and unquestioning support. However, it was still a secret. No


one knew. Not my friends, not my family. Silence was still gripping me and giving the abuse power. I chose to tell a colleague and my supervisor. I did so not because I had to but because I trusted them. They had always given me time and I knew they cared about me. It was the best decision I’ve ever


made. There was no “why?” and no judgement; just unwavering support and belief. They will never truly know the difference they have made to my life. I share this in the hope it helps to


break down the wall of silence around domestic abuse. There will be colleagues around us today living in abusive relationships and we need to be there for them. Are you the type of supervisor, or the team member they could reach out to? Please look out for those little signs of


coercion and control, for they may be well hidden. The bruises are real, you just can’t see them. My message to anyone out there who is suffering, or has suffered, from domestic abuse. You are not alone. You will be believed so please just reach out. Find support at


gov.uk/domesticabuse 20 I POLICE I AUGUST 2021


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40