“Welcome to Red Robin, Can I get you something to drink?”
Mmm..something sweet and malty would do it. I’ll order a root beer I happily decided. My friends ordered first and then the waiter’s focus turned to me. Oh no! That sick feeling in my stomach showed up again. Everyone’s looking at me now. I have to order! “Can I have a rrroo”. Here it comes, I can feel my face burn up, no need to look in the mirror of how red I look and embarrassed I am becoming. The waiter asked me again, and I said, “I’ll just have a Sprite.” No, man, what am I doing? I can’t get the words out. Ugh, here we go again. Another internal battle in my mind where I want a root beer but can only say, “Sprite.” Most people wouldn’t think twice about ordering a drink, but when you have a stutter, it’s these little things in life that can turn an everyday situation into a very stressful experience.
I have had a stutter for as long as I can remember. Although early on I never considered it as a problem or cared what people thought of me when I stuttered. This changed during eighth grade. My perception of my stutter and how I participated in school changed, and for the worse. I was in a math class nervously going over an answer to a question in my head that the teacher was about to ask me. Negative 2, Negative 2, Negative 2. Just say it! As soon as the teacher called on me, that sick feeling in my stomach ran through my body as I began to speak. “The answer is Neeee.” The humiliation was overwhelming as the confused faces of my classmates began to laugh. With a puzzled look, my teacher asked me the question again. I fearfully said, “Sorry, the answer is Neee … Negative 2.”
As I entered high school and with new challenges introduced by COVID-19, the emotional struggles increased as my stuttering became more severe coupled with more concerns in how my peers and teachers would react. Surprisingly, it seemed that many of my teachers didn’t understand how a stutter could occur in some situations and not in others. Although I maintained a solid academic performance exhibited by my grades, the emotional stress brought on by my stutter introduced additional challenges with class participation and social interactions.
I needed to do something in order to discontinue being held hostage to my stutter! I began to receive therapy through a speech pathologist and from speech services in high school under an Individualized Education Program (IEP). Through hard work, self-practice and support from my high school speech teacher and family I have become more fluent in my speech by using strategies taught to me about being more confident in managing this personal challenge and with stressful speaking situations. These strategies included taking deeper breaths and slowing my speech when answering questions in class or conversing with my friends during lunch.
Now as I am more self-aware, I accept the fact that I may never completely overcome stuttering and rather, it is a part of who I am. It is through the ups and downs of my speech impairment that I have come to appreciate the mini successes I experience with my communication. It took me a while to get where I am today, and I know there are more challenges ahead. I’m not going to settle for less than I want, be it root beer or anything else.
Justin, 17, Center Valley, PA 33
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