The 1 Thing You Should NEVER Say To Your Child!


Well.... the title sounds a little ominous Dale. I hear you. BUT Do you hear yourself?


Before I share the apparent “1 thing” let’s cast our minds into the future to take a look at the results in adulthood of using this “1 thing”.


Do you know anybody (including yourself) that do the following: • Struggle so much to make a decision it brings about anxiety


•


Give people the silent treatment during an argument


• Puts others needs before your own • NEED to be a relationship no matter how toxic


• Ask parents for bail outs. • Lacking self trust and/or low self esteem


Hmmm. Might raise some eyebrows.


Have you ever heard of the word ‘codependency’?


First of all it can come in many different shapes and sizes, however the most common tends to be in relationships. For example dysfunctional relationship where one is a caretaker, and the other takes advantage. Basically, one is needy and other needs to be needed.


Codependency can occur as a result of: •


Neglect


• Substance abuse •


Mental health issues


• Narcissistic people • Emotional scarring • Inflicting shame


It tends to form in the Imprint Phase (research from Dr Bruce Lipton) 0 - 7. The most common cause occurs when a child feels emotionally unstable and disconnected from the main care giver. In the same thread codependency tells us the other person’s feelings are our responsibility!


Whoaaaaa…. But Dale our feelings and emotions are in our OWN head so surely they are OUR responsibility?


12


Well put! Exactly what I say!


So the “number 1” thing you should NEVER say… to a child in prime development (0 - 5 is: “You’re making mummy angry!” - or sad or even happy!


You make no sense Dale! Hear me out…


When you say this, you are effectively unconsciously saying to the child “I am NOT responsible for my emotions… you are!”


How much pressure is this for that poor child. They feel unsafe, overwhelmed and disconnected.


Children are seeking connection and safety at this young age and if a parent fails to pro vide this later on in their life they’ll seek the same level of interaction in relationships.


Children look to their parents for emotional support and how to act as they learn to navigate the world. But if that parent-child relationship is unhealthy, it can affect the way a child interacts with others as an adult.


This commonly occurs in codependent relationships, where parent’s words and actions teach children they need another person to validate their thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.


Let’s teach children to love themselves first. Happiness begins from within.


[Check out Dale’s Instagram post for what to say to children instead]


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event in August for year 6 only... https://parent.younglifewarrior.com/bigschool dale@dalevincentcoaching.com 07528 602701 - parents reach out when you like IG: @dalevincentcoaching


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